The Saiyans
by Vickychan
Summary: My old comedy series reformatted and reborn! For anyone who hasn't come across it before The Saiyans is a series of short humour sketches featuring Teen Vegeta, Nappa and Raditz. I hope you enjoy them in their new format, I'm sure you will! Please R&R!
1. Yer Mam!

"Shit…" Nappa mumbled, examining the space pod. "I think this thing's had it." Raditz looked at him, sitting calmly against a rock next to Vegeta.  
>"Yer mam!" he said with a laugh. Vegeta looked at Raditz.<br>"What the fuck?" Raditz smirked.  
>"Yer mam!" he grinned. "Every time Nappa says somethin', you've gotta say 'yer mam'."<br>"… Right." Vegeta replied. "K."  
>"Have we got any spanners in here?" Nappa asked, looking inside the space pod.<br>"Yer mam!" Vegeta piped.  
>"There's one." Nappa said, ignoring him and getting the spanner.<br>" Yer mam!" Raditz and Vegeta exclaimed. They laughed together.  
><em>"Whatever."<em> Nappa thought to himself. Ignoring them, he unscrewing the bolts on the space pod. Vegeta looked over at him.  
>"What're you doing?" he enquired.<br>"I think it might be the engine." Nappa said.  
>"Yer mam!" Raditz laughed at Vegeta's response.<br>"Listen," Nappa growled, glaring at them. "Instead of talking about my mom could you guys give me a hand here?"  
>"Shit, I'm not helping with that thing." Vegeta pouted. "Do I look like a mechanic?"<br>"Yer mam!" Raditz beamed, and laughed. Vegeta smirked.  
>"Shut up."<p>

"Raditz!" Nappa barked. "Come over here and help me!"  
>"No!" Raditz argued. Vegeta turned to Nappa.<br>"Yer mam!"  
>"Fucking kids…" Nappa mumbled to himself, looking at the pod's engine.<br>"Hey," Vegeta looked at Raditz. "You know what I did last night?"  
>"What?" Raditz asked.<br>"Nappa's mam!" they both laughed.  
>"Will you shut up?" Nappa shouted. "Come and help me!"<br>"Hey!" Vegeta glared. "Watch your mouth; I'm the prince of saiyans, if you remember!"  
>"Yer mam!" Raditz beamed, and laughed. Vegeta looked at him.<br>"What you talking about?"  
>"The engine's busted." Nappa assessed.<br>"On yer mam?" Vegeta asked, causing Raditz to burst out laughing.  
>"If you're gonna talk about someone's mom, talk about Frieza's." Nappa demanded.<p>

Vegeta shrugged. "Whatever." Raditz looked at him.  
>"Hey Veg," Vegeta looked back.<br>"What?"  
>"D'you know what I did last night?" Vegeta smirked in anticipation.<br>"What?"  
>"Fri –"<br>"Frieza's mam!" Vegeta joined him, and they both laughed.  
>"Yeah, well, you know what I did last night?" Vegeta replied.<br>"What?" Raditz asked.  
>"Frieza!" they both burst out laughing again. Nappa couldn't help but smirk a little.<br>"Hey," Vegeta began, tapping the back of his hand against Raditz. "I dare you to say yer mam to Frieza next time he tells you to do something." Raditz smirked.  
>"Yeah, alright."<br>"Are you crazy?" Nappa protested. "He'd kill you!"  
>"Probably wouldn't even understand it." Vegeta guessed.<br>"D'you think he even has a mam?" Raditz asked. Vegeta smirked.  
>"Doubt it. Probably just crawled out of a hole one day."<br>"Yeah." Raditz agreed. "Nappa's mam's hole!" Vegeta burst out laughing.  
>"That wasn't even funny!" Nappa argued.<br>"Yer mam!" Raditz replied, also laughing.  
>"Looks like we need a replacement engine, anyway." Nappa stated, getting back to business.<br>"But we don't have any money." Vegeta pointed out.  
>"You mean we're stranded here?" Raditz gasped. Nappa shrugged.<br>"Guess we'll have to call Frieza and ask for –"  
>"– Yer mam!" Raditz cut him off.<br>"Frieza and Nappa's mam!" Vegeta declared through laughter. He held his head against the rock, laughing.

"Vegeta," Nappa said to him seriously. "We need a new pod."  
>"What're you telling me for?" Vegeta frowned. Raditz smirked.<br>"Come on, Vegeta, you've clearly got one in your pocket."  
>"I know, yeah." Vegeta looked at Nappa. "Why me?"<br>"You're the only one with a phone." Vegeta rolled his eyes.  
>"Yeah, okay." He got his phone out of his pocket and gave it to Nappa. Nappa dialled the number and started talking to Frieza. Raditz looked at Vegeta, and smirked.<br>"Hey, Vegeta, you know what I did with Frieza?"  
>"What?"<br>"Nappa's mam!" Vegeta laughed.  
>"That isn't even funny anymore." He said.<br>"I know…" Raditz agreed sadly. Nappa hung up the phone.  
>"Man, he sounded angry." He handed the phone back to Vegeta. "Anyway, the new pod'll be here in about ten minutes."<br>"Right." Vegeta replied.

Ten minutes later Frieza landed in a space pod. He angrily hopped out.  
>"Can you saiyans do anything right?" he growled. Vegeta looked at Raditz, not really expecting him to do anything unusual.<br>"Sorry, sir." Raditz replied.  
>"But we couldn't buy a new engine." Nappa explained. Frieza rolled his eyes.<br>"Anyway, try not to break this one." Raditz smirked.  
>"Yer mam!"<p> 


	2. Save The Wine

Vegeta lay in bed snoring loudly.  
>"<strong>Vegeta!<strong>" Nappa yelled. "For the seventh time, **_wake up_**!"  
>"Huh…?" Vegeta groaned. "<em>Whaaaaaat?<em>"  
>"We have to purge a planet in <strong><em>ten minutes<em>**!" Raditz shouted. "Get up!" Vegeta flipped him off and turned over in his bed.  
>"Vegeta!" Raditz shouted again. Extremely pissed off, Vegeta sat up and looked at him.<br>"_**Listen!**_" he screamed. "I'm sixteen years old, I feel like throwing up, and I've got a hangover the size of Dodoria's ass! I am **not** moving! Goodnight!" he threw himself against the bed.  
>"Well what are we gonna tell Lord Frieza!" Nappa demanded. "That you won't go on a mission because you're too busy dreaming about becoming sober?" Vegeta looked at him lazily.<br>"Nappa… I don't care what you tell him! You can tell him that I fancy him and want to finish dreaming about him if you want! As long as he realizes that I am not getting up until 2pm!"  
>"… … Er…" Nappa replied. "I'll tell him you're ill…"<br>"Okay, fine." Vegeta went back to sleep. Nappa looked at Raditz.  
>"Come on."<br>"Why me!" Raditz protested.  
>"I'm not telling him on my own!" Nappa replied. "Now <em><strong>come on<strong>_!"

In his bedroom Frieza was still asleep. After knocking several times Nappa entered, followed by Raditz.  
>"Er… Lord Frieza?" Nappa spoke.<br>"Mmm…" Frieza mumbled, still sleeping. "Zarbon…"  
>"Let's poke him." Raditz suggested.<br>"With what?" Nappa asked. Raditz shrugged.  
>"I don't know."<br>Nappa ignored him, and walks over to Frieza's bed.  
>"Sir…?" Frieza groaned.<br>"Wha…?" He opened his eyes and looked at Nappa. "What the fuck do you want?"  
>"Er…" Nappa began. "It's about Vegeta…"<br>"What?" Frieza replied, still half asleep. "A heater? Bugger off, I don't want a bloody heater!"  
>"No, Sir." Raditz said. "Ve – ge – ta. The saiyan?"<br>"No, I already bought one of those. Didn't work for me. See ya!" Frieza went back to sleep. Raditz looked at Nappa.  
>"What do we do? If we don't go on that mission he'll probably kill us when his hangover's cleared up."<p>

"I've got an idea." Nappa answered. "Stand back…"  
>"Nappa –"<br>"Just stand back!"  
>"…" Raditz stood back. Nappa took a deep breath, and moved his lips to Frieza's ear.<br>"_**Lord Frieza!**_"  
>"<em><strong>Aaaaaaaaaaah!<strong>_" Frieza screamed jumping up in fright. "What happened! Save the wine! Whatever happens, save the wine!"  
>"Sir…" Nappa spoke.<br>"Huh?" Frieza looked at him. "Oh, it's you. What do you want?"  
>"Well…"<p>

In the saiyans' bedroom Vegeta was still sleeping.  
>"I swear, baby, she didn't mean anything…" he swore in his sleep. Frieza stormed in.<br>"_**Vegeta!**_"  
>"Zzzz…" Frieza picked up a megaphone.<br>"**Wake up you little bastard!**"  
>"Zzzz…" Vegeta was still asleep. "Oh, that other one? That was my sister, honest…"<br>"Oh, for the love of – **fine then**!" Frieza stormed over to the bed, pulled the covers off and yanked Vegeta out. Vegeta hit the floor and woke up.  
>"Huh?" He rubbed his eyes. "Hey, what the heck are you doin', ya moron!" Frieza cleared his throat, at which point Vegeta noticed him.<br>"Oh, fuck… hi Sir ^_^" Frieza stood with his arms folded, looking at him sternly. Vegeta sighed. "Okay…" He stood up. "What have I done this time? Listen, the wine bottle was empty when I got there; I've never seen that phone number in my entire life; I thought you wanted me to purge the other planet; she was my sister. Have I missed anything out?"  
>"You're supposed to be on a mission!" Frieza snapped.<br>"The alarm didn't go off."  
>"<strong><em>Vegeta!<em>**"  
>"Okay, okay." Vegeta eased. "Which planet?"<br>"I already told you!" Frieza screamed.  
>"Amnesia."<br>"**_Go and purge the goddamn planet!_**" Vegeta saluted him.  
>"Righto guv'ner!" He headed for the door. "I'll bring you back something nice."<p>

"Vegeta," Frieza uttered. Vegeta looked at him.  
>"Yeah?"<br>"Aren't you forgetting something?" Frieza asked. Vegeta tried to think what he could mean.  
>"…" He backed off. "Whoa – – hold on a minute – – <strong>that<strong> wasn't in the job description!"  
>"No, <em><strong>Baka<strong>_!" Frieza shouted, his rage growing. He sighed angrily. "Do I have to spell _everything_ out for you?"  
>"Huh?"<br>"Arrrrgh!" Frieza exclaimed. "Vegeta, do you intend to wear **clothes** on this mission?"  
>"What?" Vegeta looked down to see he was dressed in nothing but his underwear. "Oh. Right ^_^;"<br>"**_Get dressed and leave this ship immediately!_**"  
>"Yes Sir!"<p> 


	3. I'm A Whale

"Here's your wine, Sir." Vegeta announced, carrying a tray into Frieza's room. Frieza was stood in front of the mirror looking at himself.  
>"Am I fat?"<br>"Huh?" Vegeta blinked. Frieza looked at him.  
>"Oh, come on, be honest! I'm a whale!"<br>"Er…" Vegeta uttered. _"Cheer him up or he'll kill you."_ he silently thought to himself. "Er… you're not fat?"  
>"Ah, you're just saying that so I won't kill you." Frieza replied. Vegeta gasped dramatically.<br>"I am insulted! What do you take me for!"  
>"Someone who wants to keep his sorry lying ass." Frieza narrowed his eyes at him. Vegeta sighed.<br>"Sir, you're not fat."  
>"…" Frieza looked at him. "That sounded serious…"<br>"Well you're not." Vegeta shrugged. "You're weird, you're ugly, and you think nobody sees you when you run around the ship naked at night –" Frieza gasped, his eyes wide.  
>"You <em><strong>saw<strong>_ me?"  
>"Yes!" Vegeta exclaimed. "And my God I wish I hadn't!" Frieza's face fell into a sulk.<br>"I knew it." He moaned. "My ass** is** fat, isn't it?"  
>"No!" Vegeta protested. "I just don't like seeing naked men! Especially ones with big lizard tails and horns…"<br>"Oh ^_^"  
>"You're not fat, okay?" Vegeta insisted.<br>"I don't believe you." Frieza pouted.

Nappa entered the room.  
>"Phew." He said, seeing Vegeta. "For a second there Vegeta I thought you'd died or something."<br>"Nah," Vegeta replied. "Just trying to convince Frieza he's not fat."  
>"Fat!" Nappa cried. He walked over to Frieza and started to feel him up. "Give over, there's nowt on ya!" Frieza smirked.<br>"Do that again…" Nappa backed away in fear, grabbing Vegeta's arm.  
>"Come on, kid, let's go!" He ran off, pulling Vegeta behind him.<br>"I still think I'm fat!" Frieza called after them, poking his head out of the room. He waved his arms wildly. "Look at me! My arms are flabby! My ass is sagging, **_and these pants are getting tighte__r_**!"  
>"Really?" Zarbon smirked as he walked past Frieza's room. Frieza whined loudly and went back into his room, throwing himself into a sulk.<br>"I'm fat I'm fat **_I'm fat_**!" he wailed. "I'm going on a diet!" Out of the corner of his eye he noticed the bottle of wine Vegeta had brought in on his dressing table. "**_No!_**" he shouted, and blew up the bottle. "**That** is why I'm so fat! _**Aaaaaaah****!**_"

From outside the room Vegeta heard his screaming.  
>"My God, that guy has issues."<p> 


	4. The Green Planet

"So what did Lord Frieza want us to do?" Raditz asked casually as they were all sitting around on a spaceship.  
>"He said to purge the planet." Nappa replied.<br>"Which planet?"  
>"Dunno." Nappa shrugged. "Vegeta knows."<br>"No I don't!" Vegeta protested. "He told **you**!"  
>"Frieza didn't tell me to purge a planet." Nappa argued stubbornly. Raditz looked at him.<br>"What?"  
>"Then what the hell did you tell us to get on this ship for!" Vegeta demanded, glaring at Nappa. Raditz burst out laughing.<br>"Nappa…" Vegeta panted, also laughing a little. "I mean… why!" Raditz laughed even harder.  
>"No, I mean Zarbon told me!" Nappa cried.<br>"Oh, right." Vegeta uttered, satisfied.  
>"Well which planet are we supposed to purge?" Raditz looked at Nappa.<br>"Er…" Nappa sweat dropped. "I don't remember ^_^;" Vegeta burst out laughing.  
>"Oh, great…"<br>"Well, what do we do then!" Raditz exclaimed.

"Hang on," Nappa said. "It was either a red planet or a green planet…"  
>"Oh, well that narrows it down!" Vegeta declared. Raditz burst out laughing.<br>"Well which one!" Vegeta demanded.  
>"I don't know!"<br>"Well try to remember!" Raditz shouted, feeling like he was talking to a brick wall.  
>"I can't!"<br>"Raditz," Vegeta turned to his companion. "What's your least favourite colour? Red or green?"  
>"Red." Raditz replied.<br>"Right, well let's purge the red planet then!" Vegeta announced, causing Raditz to burst out laughing again. In turn Vegeta began to laugh. "Raditz, what the fuck are you on!"  
>"Oh wait!" Nappa gasped as his memory sprang into action, light bulbs suddenly switching on all over the place. "It was the green planet!"<br>"Good." Vegeta said. "Let's go there, then."

A few hours later the saiyans landed on The Green Planet.  
>"Nappa…" Vegeta began, looking around. He turned to face the elite. "This planet's deserted!" Yet again Raditz burst out laughing.<br>"Well this was the planet he wanted us to purge!" Nappa argued.  
>"What the hell are we supposed to wipe out!"<br>"Well there's a tree over there!" Raditz pointed, still laughing. Vegeta laughed.  
>"Oh right, okay then!" He ran over the tree, shouting war cries at the top of his lungs as he approached it. Raditz watched, pissing himself with laughter.<br>"_**Arrrrr!**_" Vegeta roared as he started punching and kicking the tree. Raditz fell to his knees, clutching his stomach as he laughed. "Die, you bastard!" Vegeta yelled, still attacking the tree dramatically. Nappa smirked.  
>"Seriously." He said. "What are we doing here?" Vegeta came away from the tree to join him.<br>"Fuck all!" He exclaimed. "Nappa, are we on the right planet!"  
>"…" It was at that point that Nappa went inside their ship to check.<br>"Oh, fuck…" Raditz smirked. "This'll be good…"

Nappa came out of the ship and approached the boys.  
>"Well?" Vegeta looked at him. Nappa nodded.<br>"We're on the wrong planet." Raditz laughed hysterically.  
>"Well where are we!" Vegeta screamed.<br>"…" Nappa stared at him blankly. "I don't know…"  
>"Oh, for <em><strong>fuck's<strong>_ sake!" Vegeta roared, suddenly pissed off.  
>"Chill, I'll call Frieza." Nappa shrugged.<br>"Yeah, and how pissed off is he gonna be!"  
>"What should I tell him?" Nappa asked, dialling Frieza's number.<br>"Tell him you're a thick retard that can't navigate a ship!" Vegeta snapped.  
>"Okay, okay! Geez…" Nappa sighed. "What's his problem?" He mumbled to Raditz.<br>"Ah, he's probably starting puberty or something." Raditz replied.  
>"Ah, shut up ya laughing freak!" Vegeta barked. Raditz burst out laughing.<p> 


	5. Call Lord Frieza

"Hey!" Vegeta called to the barman. "Gives us the same again, only make 'em large ones this time, okay?"  
>"Yes!" Nappa cheered.<br>"Nice one, Veg!" Raditz grinned, slapping his back.  
>"Thanks ^_^" The barman placed their drinks down in front of them. "It's your round, Raditz." Nappa burst out laughing.<br>"-_- Little git…" Raditz mumbled, and reluctantly paid.

Just as they were getting stuck into their drinks Zarbon entered the bar and angrily made his way over to them.  
>"Hey!" he huffed. "What are you three still doing out here? We're leaving in an hour! You'd better be on the ship!"<br>"Yeah, yeah, we'll be back in time." Nappa waved his hand.  
>"Hey, Zarbon, "Vegeta piped. "You buyin' us a drink?"<br>"No way!" Zarbon growled. "Besides, you're not old enough to drink, Vegeta."  
>"Ssh!" Vegeta widened his eyes at him. "Keep it down, okay! I've got the barman thinking I'm twenty one!"<br>"Twenty one!" Zarbon protested. "What is he blind or something!"  
>"Listen, get us a drink and we'll make it our last." Raditz said. "Promise." Zarbon rolled his eyes.<br>"Fine, then." He looked at the barman. "Get the saiyans the same again, okay?"  
>"Nice." The saiyans beamed.<br>"S'okay." Zarbon smiled. He turned to the barman. "They're paying." He walked out of the bar smirking, leaving the saiyans sat there with faces like slapped arses.  
>"-_-"<p>

Two hours later the boys came staggering their way towards the ship's landing spot, chanting in perfect unison.  
><em>"A hunting we will go, a hunting we will go. We'll catch a fox and put him in a box and never let it go!"<em>  
>"Hey… wait a minute…" Nappa stared. "The ship's invisible!"<br>"Wow, cool!" Vegeta grinned.  
>"Wait…" Raditz looked at his watch. "They've left us!"<br>"They have?" Nappa's eyes widened. "Shit!"  
>"Well they can't leave us here; they'll come back for us." Vegeta soothed.<br>"Yeah, _**tomorrow**_!" Nappa screamed. Vegeta calmingly put his arm around him.  
>"Which means, Nappa my friend," He began. "We've got the whole night to ourselves and all the booze this planet has to offer."<br>"… Oh yeah!" Nappa's face suddenly lit up.  
>"Cool!" Raditz buzzed. Once again in high spirits the three of them headed back to the pub.<br>_"Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream…"_

In the morning Vegeta, Nappa and Raditz lay asleep on the floor of some hotel room, surrounded by several women, snoring loudly.  
>"Zzzzzz…" Suddenly the phone started to ring. Nappa groaned as it woke him.<br>"Vegeta…" Raditz mumbled. The phone continued to ring. "Veg…" Vegeta simply snored. Still the phone rang.  
>"Vegeta!" Nappa groaned. <em>Ring<em>.  
>"<em><strong>Vegeta!<strong>_" Raditz screamed, causing Vegeta to snap awake.  
>"Huh?" Vegeta cried. "Wha!"<br>"Phone." Raditz said.  
>"Oh, right…" Vegeta staggered over to the phone, mumbling sleepily as he answered it. "Hello?"<br>"Vegeta!" Frieza's angry voice yelled at him. Vegeta yawned, not recognising the voice.  
>"Who's calling?"<br>"What?" Frieza screamed. "How dare you! This is **_Lord Frieza_**!"  
>"Ah, feck off!" Vegeta hung up in annoyance and went back to bed.<br>"Who was it?" Raditz asked sleepily.  
>"Lord Frieza…" Vegeta answered, pulling the covers over himself.<br>"Oh, right…" Raditz went back to sleep. Vegeta closed his eyes, and started to drift off to sleep.  
>"… … … …" He suddenly gasped, his eyes wide. "<strong><em>Lord Frieza!<em>**" he jumped out of bed and ran over to the phone, frantically redialling. "Uh, hi Sir ^_^"  
>"<em><strong>Vegeta!<strong>_" Frieza's furious voice almost deafened him. "Did you just tell me to **_feck off_**!"  
>"Er, no Sir!" Vegeta gulped. "I told you to… er… <em>tek<em>… off…"  
>"Tek off?"<br>"Yeah. I, er, picked it up on this planet." Vegeta said. "It means… er… 'get off' with her… lots of cute guys that will make you very happy."  
>"Really?" Frieza replied, suspicious. "I've never heard that before."<br>"Oh, it's slang." Vegeta told him. "One of the sluts – er… I mean, someone on this planet taught it to me."  
>"Hmm… okay." Frieza said. "Where were you last night!"<br>"Sorry, Sir. We were… um… training." Just as Vegeta said it a female voice giggled behind him.  
>"Oh, so that's what you call it?" One of the girls snickered.<br>"Vegeta, what was that?" Frieza demanded.  
>"Nappa, Sir." Vegeta answered. "He thought we were actually having a real fight."<br>"Hm…" Frieza uttered. "Well… I've sent Zarbon down to get you three. Don't keep him waiting – and **don't** do this again, okay!"  
>"Yes Sir." Vegeta hung up. "Okay, we gotta go!" He frantically ran over to the others. "Nappa, hide the booze! Girls, fuck off! Raditz, er… get out of bed!"<p>

Ten minutes later Vegeta, Nappa and Raditz were already waiting outside. Zarbon arrived before them, looking far from amused.  
>"Hmph!" He frowned. "What have you three <em>really<em> been doing!"  
>"Nothing, Zarbon ^_^" Vegeta replied innocently.<br>"Uh-huh." Zarbon clearly didn't believe him. "Come on, saiyans. Don't keep Lord Frieza waiting!"  
>"Yes, Zarbon…" The saiyans mumbled.<p> 


	6. You Gotta Poke Him

Vegeta was casually walking down the ship's corridor, happily singing to himself.  
>"Zip a-dee-doo-dah zip a-dee-A, My oh my what a wonderful day…"<br>"Vegeta!" Zarbon called, running up to him. Vegeta wasn't paying any attention and didn't notice Zarbon's presence.  
>"Plenty of sunshine in my way –"<br>"_**Vegeta!**_"  
>"Huh?" Vegeta suddenly snapped out of it. "Wha? Oh, it's you. Hey Zarbon. What's up?"<br>"I need a favour!" Zarbon begged. Vegeta looked at him suspiciously.  
>"Can I keep my pants on?"<br>"Of course you can!"  
>"Then fire away!" Vegeta cheerfully beamed.<p>

Zarbon relaxed a little.  
>"Okay, Emperor Zeo has a meeting with Lord Frieza – he's here now but I have to go out. Can you take him to Lord Frieza?"<br>"Why can't Dodoria do it?" Vegeta asked.  
>"Are you crazy!" Zarbon snapped. "There's no way I'm gonna let Emperor Zeo even <em>look<em> at someone as ugly and stupid as Dodoria!"  
>"Why?"<br>"Because I wanna ask Zeo out and Dodoria'll put him off."  
>"Well what's in it for me?" Vegeta frowned.<br>"Nothing!" Zarbon growled. "As a saiyan peasant you are to obey Frieza's right-hand-man!"  
>"Saiyan peasant!" Vegeta exclaimed, his eyes angry. "I'm a prince! Pay me or I won't do it."<br>"You little –"  
>"Okay, see ya then." Vegeta started to walk away. "Zip a-dee-doo-dah zip a-dee-A…"<br>"Okay, okay!" Zarbon caught up to him. "How much do you want?" Vegeta smirked.

"Here he is, Emperor Zeo." Vegeta announced as they entered Frieza's meeting room. Frieza was lying on the floor in the centre of the room, his eyes closed.  
>"Er…" Zeo began. "He's unconscious."<br>"Nah, he's okay." Vegeta assured. "When he gets like this you just have to poke him with a stick." He picked up Frieza's poking stick and stared to poke Frieza. Frieza groaned in response.  
>"Huh…?" He mumbled, coming round. "What…?"<br>"Sir, Emperor Zeo is here." Vegeta told him.  
>"Oh, right." Frieza stood up and looked at Zeo. "Hi."<br>"… You smell like wine." Zeo commented.  
>"That's probably because I don't do anything but drink wine."<br>"… Right…" Zeo said. "Okay…"  
>"Should we start our meeting?" Frieza suggested.<br>"Yeah, sure."  
>"Vegeta," Frieza ordered. "Go get two bottles of wine."<br>"It's okay, I won't have anything to drink, thanks." Zeo replied. Frieza frowned.  
>"I wasn't gonna offer you a drink."<br>"… K." Zeo uttered. Vegeta went to get the wine, leaving them to it. Frieza looked at Zeo.  
>"I haven't eaten anything since 1942."<br>"… Right."  
>"I always throw it back up." Frieza explained.<br>"Do you have stomach problems or something?" Zeo asked.  
>"No, I'm just constantly pissed."<br>"… Okay then…"


	7. Lend Us A Tenner

"Nappa!" Zarbon barked as he entered the room. "Lord Frieza wants to speak to Vegeta!"  
>"So what you tellin' me for?" Nappa shrugged. Zarbon rolled his eyes.<br>"You're _supposed_ to be in charge of him!"  
>"Well I don't know where he is!" Nappa protested. Zarbon huffed, folding his arms.<br>"Lord Frieza won't be at all impressed. You're meant to be his guardian. You're supposed to know where he is at all times!"  
>"Well I don't." Nappa growled. "Geez, ain't it bloody fair, ey? King Vegeta gets Queen Kyuuri pregnant with him, Kyuuri gives birth to him, Frieza nicks him, and I get stuck babysitting him!" Raditz burst out laughing.<br>"Shrewd move!" He grinned.  
>"Yeah, t'riffic." Nappa mumbled.<p>

At that moment Vegeta cheerfully walked into the room.  
>"Morning all!" He beamed.<br>"It's afternoon, Vegeta." Zarbon stated.  
>"I wouldn't know, I lost my watch."<br>"But you don't have a watch."  
>"Yeah I know," Vegeta grinned. "I lost it!" He laughed.<br>"Very funny." Zarbon rolled his eyes, unimpressed. "Vegeta, just **where** have you been?"  
>"Ah, you know." Vegeta shrugged. "Here and there."<br>"Lord Frieza is waiting for you!"  
>"But I have done anything!" Vegeta whined. "I'm serious this time! Honest!"<br>"Funny now you naturally assume you're in trouble..." Zarbon raised an eyebrow.  
>"Well what can I say? I always am." Vegeta sighed. "Which reminds me," he looked at Nappa. "Couldn't lend me a tenner, could you?"<br>"Get lost!" Nappa snapped. "No I bloody won't! You already owe me money! I stopped counting after the first two hundred!"  
>"Come on, Nappa!" Vegeta begged. "Raditz, lend us a tenner?"<br>"Sorry, Veg. I'm skint 'else I would." Raditz replied mournfully.  
>"Za –"<br>"Don't even try it, Vegeta." Zarbon glared at him.

Vegeta looked at Nappa hopefully, his eyes glistening.  
>"For your prince?"<br>"Sorry, I'm broke." Nappa shrugged.  
>"Ah come on, Nappa! Don't give me all that. You must have loads of money, Frieza actually pays you!"<br>"Yeah, and all my wages goes on getting **you** outta trouble. Hey, and that's another thing!" Nappa looked at Zarbon. "If I have to be this kid's nanny, the least your boyfriend could do is pay me extra for it!"  
>"He is<strong> not<strong> my boyfriend!" Zarbon yelled, his face reddening.  
>"Alright then." Nappa smirked. "Girlfriend." Raditz started to laugh; Vegeta smirked.<br>"Shut up!" Zarbon shouted. He looked at Vegeta. "Vegeta, Lord Frieza's office _**now**_!" He walked away, still blushing a little.

"Later, kids." Vegeta smirked at the remaining saiyans. "I've got a date with Lord Frieza." Raditz laughed.  
>"Yeah, I bet you have!" he exclaimed.<br>"Well if Zarbon ain't taking him, I'm certainly not letting him go to waste!" Vegeta laughed.  
>"Ha ha! Go on, then." Raditz smirked. "Don't keep the man waiting. Well, woman if you like." Nappa smirked.<br>"What, you kidding me?" he sniggered. "There's nothing more manly than pink skin and rosy cheeks!"  
>"Too right, my friend." Vegeta leaned forward a little and gave a flirtatious feminine wave, speaking in a high-pitched girly voice. "Ta-Ta, boys!" he cooed, and left the room.<p>

"Finally!" Frieza sighed as Vegeta entered his office. "Where were you!"  
>"I just got back from my mission, Sir." Vegeta replied.<br>"Yeah, right!" Frieza snapped. "Vegeta, we both know you didn't go on that mission. Vegeta, this is your_** final**_ warning! I'm sick of this!"  
>"Yes, Sir…" Vegeta mumbled guiltily, lowering his eyes.<br>"I'm warning you! This is your last chance! Got it?"  
>"Yes, Lord Frieza…"<br>"Good." Frieza folded his arms. "Now go and purge that planet like I asked you to five hours ago!"  
>"Yes, Sir." Vegeta hung his head in sorrow. He reluctantly headed for the door, suddenly stopping just a few inches away from it. "Lord Frieza?" he piped up, turning around to face him.<br>"What do you want?" Vegeta smiled.  
>"Could you lend us a tenner?"<p> 


	8. Mission Accomplished

Frieza was peacefully lying on floor with an empty wine bottle in his hand when Vegeta walked in.  
>"Mission accomplished, Sir." Vegeta announced. Frieza opened his eyes and sat up, dazed. He looked at Vegeta.<br>"Huh?"  
>"I… completed my mission." Vegeta replied. Frieza slowly stood up, still staring at him.<br>"… … What?"  
>"I completed my mission, Sir."<br>"Are you serious?" Frieza blinked.  
>"Er… yeah." Vegeta shrugged. "Oh, and I completed the other seventy missions I couldn't be bothered with when they were assigned."<p>

Frieza jumped back, holding the wine bottle up in front of him as if it were a weapon.  
>"What do you want from me!" He demanded, his eyes wide.<br>"Huh?" Vegeta took a step towards him. "Lord Frieza –"  
>"<em><strong>Stay back!<strong>_" Frieza snapped, clutching the wine bottle tightly. "I'm warning you! I blew up your planet once before, I can do it again!"  
>"Er… how exactly?" Vegeta asked.<br>"Stop messing with my mind!" Frieza screamed. "You don't know me! None of you do! **_You don't love me!_**" In a fit of panic he ran over to the wall and jumped out of window screaming. _"Save the whales!_"  
>"… … … …" Vegeta stood there motionless for a while, adjusting to what had just happened before he replied, "… Chill, man, I was just jokin' ^_^"<p> 


	9. Should We Bother?

"Come on, then." Nappa said as he entered the room.  
>"Huh?" Vegeta looked up.<br>"What?" Raditz blinked.  
>"Purging a planet!" Nappa yelled, impatient. "Was I the only one listening to Frieza's instructions!"<br>"Yeah." The boys shrugged. Nappa rolled his eyes.  
>"Well anyway, shake a leg! Frieza's still pissed off about the last mission." He glared at Vegeta.<br>"What?" Vegeta protested. "I thought he said purge the planet! How was I supposed to know he wanted me to deliver a box of wine bottles to his father?"  
>"Vegeta, why would he tell you to purge his father's planet?"<br>"Ah, I dunno! I was pissed." Vegeta shrugged.  
>"Yeah, well no wonder!" Nappa growled. "You opened the wine bottles!"<br>"Ah, chill out, I only had one!" Vegeta replied. Nappa gave him a stern look.  
>"… …" Vegeta sighed. "Alright, I had two." Nappa's look grew even sterner.<br>"Okay, I had them all except two!"  
>"Anyway you two, come on!" Nappa huffed. "If we screw up this time we're dead. Let's go purge the damn planet."<br>"Should we bother?" Vegeta smirked.  
>"What!"<br>"Well Frieza's only gonna blow it up anyway, so what's the point in us purging it?"  
>"Good point…" Raditz nodded.<br>"But Frieza **_isn't_** going to blow it up!" Nappa snapped.  
>"Well he should!" Vegeta replied. "Bloody Nameks."<br>"We're not going to Namek." Nappa said flatly.  
>"Well it's somewhere with green people."<br>"That doesn't matter!" Nappa barked. "What I'm trying to say is that Frieza wants the planet cleared so he can sell it, not blow it up."  
>"Yeah…" Vegeta sighed. "But I'd still rather not."<br>"**_Vegeta!_**"  
>"Okay, okay. I'll go purge the damn planet – but I want a share of your wages."<br>"What about Raditz!" Nappa protested.  
>"Okay, give him a share too." Raditz burst out laughing at Vegeta's response.<br>"No, I didn't mean –"  
>"Come on, then!" Vegeta left the room before Nappa could say another word. Nappa rolled his eyes and followed.<br>"Hey, wait for me!" Raditz cried and ran after them.

A few hours later Vegeta was lying on the ground.  
>"Cool… ha ha… whoa, man…" He grinned to himself.<br>"What d'you think's up with him?" Raditz looked at Nappa, concerned.  
>"I dunno…" Nappa mumbled. He sniffed the air. "But this place smell weird… maybe it's the air on this planet…"<br>"We should hurry up and get off here then, before he gets worse." Raditz demanded. Nappa grinned at him.  
>"Should we bother?"<br>"Huh?"  
>"Heh heh… you've got hair like a porcupine…" Nappa's grin grew wider as he stared at Raditz's head.<br>"Wha?" Raditz sighed. "Oh, great! You too!"  
>"Two… two two two four… whoa…" Nappa fell to the ground.<br>"Nappa?" Raditz looked at him. Nappa turned his head to see Vegeta next to him.  
>"Hey, baby…" He grinned. Vegeta looked at him.<br>"Whoa, man. You're like, a girl."  
>"Yeah… you too." Nappa replied.<br>"Cool…" Vegeta said in a dazed voice.  
>"Groovy…"<br>"Guys?" Raditz stared at them. Nappa looked at him.  
>"Porcupine!" He exclaimed. "Come and join us…"<br>"Join us… join us!" Vegeta chanted.  
>"Heh heh… should I bother?" Raditz grinned.<br>"Nah!" Vegeta and Nappa laughed.  
>"Let's not bother with anything!" Raditz announced, also laughing. He fell down and joined them on the ground.<br>"Groovy, man!" Vegeta beamed.  
>"Killer!" Nappa exclaimed. The three of them laughed.<p>

Meanwhile on Frieza's ship Zarbon was reporting to Frieza.  
>"The saiyans still aren't back, Sir." He said.<br>"Oh, for – I _warned_ them!" Frieza shouted. "Go down and get them – actually, I'll get them my friggin' self!"  
>"Yes Sir." Zarbon nodded.<br>"I swear I'll kill those three…"

Back on the planet Raditz pointed up.  
>"Hey, man… look… in the sky." Vegeta and Nappa looked.<br>"Whoa, man… it's a bird…" Vegeta gasped.  
>"Nah, it's a plane…" Nappa said.<br>"No, it's…" Raditz watched as Frieza stepped out of the space pod.  
>"<strong><em>Saiyans!<em>**"  
>"Lord Frieza!" The saiyans cried, their eyes bulging.<br>"Yo, my main man!" Nappa announced.  
>"What's up, Sir?" Vegeta asked.<br>"What's the matter with you three?" Frieza looked at them.  
>"Three!" Raditz's eyes widened. "I thought there were five of us!"<br>"So did I…" Vegeta mumbled.  
>"Five!" Nappa gasped. "I thought there were nine!"<br>"You're seeing double, you idiots!" Frieza growled.  
>"Double!" Vegeta and Raditz's eyes grew wide again.<br>"Who's that?" Vegeta and Raditz burst out laughing at Nappa's remark. Nappa looked at them, confused. "What?"  
>"Are you saiyans allergic to the air on this planet or something?" Frieza asked.<br>"Air?" Vegeta blinked.  
>"Who's air?" Raditz replied.<br>"Nappa's air!" Vegeta burst out laughing.  
>"Huh?" Raditz looked at him.<br>"Wha?" Nappa uttered.  
>"Oh, <em>hair<em>!" Raditz gasped.  
>"Yeah!" Raditz burst out laughing.<br>"Hey! You two shurrup!" Nappa frowned.  
>"All of you shurrup – I mean, shut up!" Frieza blushed. The saiyans put their fingers to their lips and started shushing each other loudly. "<strong><em>Stop it!<em>**" Frieza screamed.  
>"Yes Sir." Vegeta nodded.<br>"Yes Master Frieza." Raditz followed.  
>"Yes Sir."<br>"All of you, get back to the ship **now**!" Frieza demanded.  
>"Should we bother?" The saiyans all burst out laughing.<br>"_**What!**_" Frieza snapped. "What's so funny? Go to the ship! **_Now!_**"  
>"Yes Sir." The saiyans got up.<p>

Back on his ship, Frieza sighed.  
>"Geez…"<br>"What happened, Sir?" Zarbon asked.  
>"That planet…" Frieza answered. "I dunno, there must be something in the air. The saiyans got high off it."<br>"But nobody else is strong enough to purge that planet, the Ginyu Force are away." Zarbon insisted.  
>"I know… you and I will do it." Frieza mumbled.<br>"I'll get the space pod ready, Sir." Frieza smirked.  
>"Should we bother?"<p> 


	10. Baby Saiyan

"No! Okay!" Nappa screamed. "**You** kidnapped him, **you** blew up his planet, so he's _**your**_ responsibility! **You** can train the little bastard! **You** chase him half way across the universe and then take the blame when he screws up!"  
>"Nappa, you're talking in your sleep again." Vegeta interrupted.<br>"Huh…?" Nappa woke at the sound of Vegeta's voice. He slowly opened his eyes and stared at Vegeta. "Oh, _**dammit**_!" he roared. "Aren't you supposed to be on a mission!"  
>"Yup." Vegeta nodded. But I don't know which planet I'm meant to purge, I wasn't paying attention. So, I'm just gonna lie low here for a whole and hope Frieza's too drunk to notice."<p>

Right at that moment Frieza came staggering in.  
>"Do you know what time it is in the morning when it's actually nine o' clock at night?" he asked, stumbling around as he looked at the saiyans. Vegeta and Nappa looked at each other.<br>"… k." they uttered.  
>"<em><strong>Vegeta<strong>_!" Frieza cried. "Where's Vegeta?"  
>"I'm right here, Sir." Vegeta answered. Frieza looked at him.<br>"No… no, no, that's not right!" he argued. "Vegeta is a child! About this high –" he gestured. "This, with the hair."  
>"Nnno, Sir, I grew up." Vegeta replied.<br>"Really?" Frieza looked at him, annoyed. "And when was this?"  
>"I couldn't say it's really more of a gradual thing…"<br>"Oh. Well…" Frieza leaned on Vegeta's shoulder. "How old are you now then?" he asked.  
>"Sixteen, Sir." Vegeta answered.<br>"Sixteen!" Frieza wailed. "Oh my God!" he burst into tears. "It's terrible! _**Terrible**_!"  
>"Er… why?"<br>"Girls!" Frieza yelled. "The age of drinking and mindless sex is upon us! You'll never work again!"  
>"… K." Vegeta stared at him, growing more uncomfortable with how close they were.<p>

Frieza looked seriously into Vegeta's eyes.  
>"Vegeta!" he snapped. "I command you to age four years!"<br>"Er… Yes Sir." Vegeta nodded. "Come back four years later and I promise I will have aged four years." Frieza ruffled his Vegeta's hair.  
>"There's a good boy." He smiled. "Who's my cute little baby saiyan – Yes, that's a point. Where <em>is<em> my cute little baby saiyan?"  
>"I grew up, Sir." Vegeta sighed.<br>"Really?" Frieza looked at him, leaning on his shoulder again. "How old are you now, then?"  
>"Six – I mean… twenty, Sir."<br>"Twenty!" Frieza gasped. "Then you need a mortgage!"  
>"Huh?" Vegeta looked at him.<br>"Don't you have a home!" Frieza demanded, "Who do you work for! The cheapskate!"  
>"You, Sir. And you don't pay me."<br>"Really? How long have you been working for me?" Frieza questioned.  
>"Since I was five."<br>"… …" Frieza blinked. "Sorry, who are you again?"  
>"Vegeta!" Vegeta growled, pushing Frieza off him. "Prince Vegeta!"<br>"The brat." Nappa mumbled.  
>"Quiet, Nappa." Frieza said.<p>

"Ah, yes, Vegeta…" Frieza mused. "Well, why aren't you in school?"  
>"I don't go to school."<br>"Aren't you five?"  
>"<strong>No<strong>!" Vegeta yelled. "I'm sixteen!" Once again Frieza burst into tears.  
>"<strong>No<strong>!" he cried. "It's terrible! **_Terrible_**!" he walked out of the room in despair; Vegeta and Nappa could still hear him as he steadily made his way down the corridor. "Oh, what a world! **_Aaaaaaaaaaaaah_**!"  
>"Wow." Vegeta uttered. "He <em><strong>really<strong>_ needs booze." Nappa nodded.  
>"Uh-huh."<p> 


	11. Bring A Souvenir!

Frieza entered the room. He looked at Vegeta.  
>"Vegeta, would you say I'm fat?" he asked. Vegeta was watching TV, not listening to a word Frieza was saying.<br>"I already purged it." He answered, not taking his eyes off the TV.  
>"Huh?" Frieza blinked. "What are you talking about?"<br>"Yup." Vegeta replied.  
>"Vegeta, are you even<strong><em> listening<em>** to me!" Frieza snapped.  
>"Definitely not!"<br>"Grr!" Frieza walked over and turned off the TV.  
>"Hey, I was watching that!" Vegeta protested.<br>"_**Vegeta**_!" Frieza yelled. "You're not even** allowed** in here! This room is out of bounds for anyone except me, Dodoria, Zarbon and the Ginyu Force!"  
>"Don't forget Kold and Coola!" Vegeta grinned brightly.<br>"Vegeta…" Frieza growled. "… **What** are you _doing in here_!"  
>"Well I got kind of bored, so I decided to break the door down and watch TV." Vegeta answered.<br>"**Bored**!" Frieza screamed. "You still haven't completed the mission I set you this morning! Not to mention the other ten planets you owe me for falling asleep on the control panel and accidentally blowing them up!"  
>"You blow up my planet; I blow up ten of yours." Vegeta shrugged. "Call it even?" Frieza's face turned bright purple in anger.<br>"**_Vegetaaaaaaaaaa_**!"  
>"Yeah?" Vegeta looked at him.<br>"**_Go now and finish your damn mission_** – and would it kill you to bring a souvenir?" Frieza yelled. Vegeta saluted him.  
>"You're the boss!" he beamed and headed for the door. "I'll bring you back something nice." He left the room.<p> 


	12. Tearjerker

"Vegeta…" Nappa said with a worried expression on his face. "I think there's something seriously wrong with Frieza." Vegeta was occupying himself by throwing glasses he'd nicked from Frieza's private kitchen at the wall.  
>"Yeah?" he responded.<br>"Yeah." Nappa nodded. "He's been sitting in his hoverchair all day doing absolutely nothing at all."  
>"Your point being…?" Vegeta picked up another glass.<br>"The wine bottle I took into him has been there for 30 seconds now." Vegeta dropped the glass, his face turning pale.  
>"… … …" he gulped. "… Nappa… Be afraid…"<br>"What d'you think's up?" Nappa asked.  
>"Dunno." Vegeta shrugged. "Let's find out! Raditz, come on."<br>"Have you finished throwing glass around?" Raditz' nervous voice came from under the bed.  
>"Yup." Vegeta replied. Raditz climbed out from under the bed and pulled several bits of glass out of his arms and face.<br>"Okay!" he beamed.

Meanwhile Frieza was sitting in his hoverchair, not uttering a sound.  
>"… … … …" Vegeta, Nappa and Raditz poked their heads round the corner of the doorway.<br>"He's been like that all day?" Vegeta asked quietly.  
>"Yup." Nappa nodded.<br>"Maybe he's asleep; I can only see the back of his head." Raditz shrugged.  
>"Maybe." Vegeta replied. "Let's poke him!"<br>"Raditz, go and get a 4-metre-long stick." Nappa ordered.  
>"Why me!" Raditz protested.<br>"'Cos you're the least important. Now go!" Raditz walked off moodily, muttering something about an Italian chef.  
>"Where's he gonna find a 4-metre-long stick?" Vegeta asked. Nappa shrugged.<br>"Zarbon's bedroom?"

After a while Raditz arrived back.  
>"Got one!" he exclaimed.<br>"Good, now give it here." Vegeta took the stick off him. "You two grab the end and on the count of three, poke him. One." Nappa and Raditz gripped the stick. "Two…"  
>"What exactly is he gonna say when he wakes up and finds us poking him?" Nappa questioned.<br>"Oh yeah, like he's gonna notice when there's an unopened bottle of wine next to him!" Vegeta snapped.  
>"Good point."<br>"Three!" Vegeta poked Frieza on the back of the head. As he did so, Frieza's head fell off and landed on floor.  
>"<strong><em>Aah<em>**!" Nappa and Raditz screamed.  
>"O.O" Vegeta stared at Frieza's head in disbelief.<br>"Dude, how hard did you poke him!" Raditz cried.  
>"I barely touched him!" Vegeta insisted. He grinned. "Wow, I must be even stronger than I thought!"<br>"Well what are we gonna do now that Frieza's dead!" Nappa wailed.  
>"Calm down, he might not be dead." Vegeta said.<br>"… Vegeta, his head's on the floor."  
>"Yeah, but knowing Frieza he'll probably grow a new one." Vegeta walked over to Frieza's head and picked it up. He examined it closely. "… … It's a pumpkin."<br>"Huh!" Nappa uttered.  
>"A <strong><em>pumpkin<em>**?" Raditz's eyes grew wide.  
>"Yup." Vegeta picked up Frieza's body. "A pumpkin and a sack full o' straw. It doesn't even have a tail."<br>"… … Okay, I'm getting freaked out now, what weirdo would leave a puppet of Lord Frieza in his hoverchair!" Nappa cried. Vegeta shrugged.  
>"Don't know, don't care. Come on; let's go throw stuff at the Ginyu Force." He left the room with Nappa and Raditz following him.<p>

A few hours later the saiyans were hanging out.  
>"Hey Nappa, has Frieza still not turned up yet?" Vegeta asked.<br>"Nope. Maybe he's dead." Nappa answered. Vegeta shrugged.  
>"Eh. Maybe." Raditz looked at them.<br>"Hey, if he's dead, who's gonna be in charge of the ship?"  
>"Dunno." Vegeta replied. "Whoever claims it first, I guess."<br>"… … … … …" All at once the saiyans ran towards door, pushing and shoving violently each other violently to get through.  
>"Hey, get lost you guys! I'm the prince!" Vegeta shouted.<br>"Yeah, and that's enough!" Nappa snapped. "Don't be so greedy, ya little brat!"  
>"Yeah well I don't have anything!" Raditz argued. "You two are already elites, so I should get the ship!"<br>"Fat chance, porcupine!" Vegeta raced past them, into the bridge and jumped into Frieza's hoverchair. "Ha ha!" He grinned. "I got here first; this ship is now officially mine! And everybody on it has to bow down to **me** and call me Lord Vegeta!" He stopped for a moment to consider his statement. "… … Actually that makes me sound like I should have small rodent-like minion or something, just call me Prince Vegeta." Nappa and Raditz sighed as they arrived in the room.  
>"Yes, Prince Vegeta…"<br>"Good." Vegeta nodded. "Now first of all, I want _you two_ to go and do all my unfinished missions for me – it shouldn't take you less than a year."  
>"Yes, Prince Vegeta." Nappa and Raditz mumbled and walked out.<p>

Vegeta opened the bottle of wine at his side and started to drink.  
>"Eh." He uttered. "It tastes better when you've had a few." He looked at the hoverchair. "Hmm… wonder how this thing works…" He pressed one of the buttons. "Whoa!" Vegeta's eyes widened as the hoverchair started to spin around. "Okay, stop now." He pressed another button, causing the hoverchair to twirl round like crazy, even faster than it was moving before. "Whoa, mother of – How do you turn this thing off!" Vegeta cried. Before he could stop himself he went flying across the room into the control panel. "<em><strong>Aah<strong>_!" As he landed on the panel about ten planets got blown up. Vegeta sweat-dropped, staring at the damage. "Whoa, that ain't good ^_^'" he said. "Well, at least the chair stopped." He jumped back into the hoverchair, and just as he did so it started moving again and reversed into the wall, bouncing off it and back into control panel. "Aaa!" Vegeta cried. "What is up with this thing!" His face slammed into wall as the hoverchair rampaged around the room. "Ow! Hey – quit it!" Vegeta yelled. "The power of Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you! The pow – oh, for fuck's sake!" Giving up, Vegeta jumped out of the chair and blew it to pieces. "All done ^_^"

Now that the room was quiet again Vegeta started to hear something. It was faint, but he could just about make out the sound of sobbing.  
>"Huh?" He looked around. "Someone in here? Hello? Hellooooo?"<br>"Hi." Frieza's voice suddenly came from behind him.  
>"<strong>Whoa<strong>!" Vegeta jumped back, spinning round to face Frieza. "How do you do that!"  
>"The sky on my home planet was blue." Frieza said.<br>"… … … K." Vegeta blinked. Frieza looked at the destroyed hoverchair.  
>"What happened to that?" he asked.<br>"I have **no** idea, I thought somebody had come and attacked you!" Vegeta cried dramatically. "And look!" He picked up the half-empty wine bottle. "They drank almost all your wine!"  
>"Stop lying to me!" Frieza yelled. He broke into tears and sat down. "Everybody lies to me these days… even my own family…"<br>"Huh?" Vegeta blinked.  
>"Nothing!" Frieza wailed. "Just leave me alone! You don't care about me anyway!" He ran out of the room.<br>"… … Something I said?" Vegeta frowned.

A few minutes later Vegeta was explaining what had happened to Nappa.  
>"What!" Nappa gasped. "Frieza was <strong><em>crying<em>**!"  
>"Yup." Vegeta nodded.<br>"He can cry!" Nappa's eyes widened.  
>"Apparently."<br>"Wow, you learn something new every day!"  
>"I wonder what's up with him…" Vegeta mused.<br>"Oh, Kold forgot his birthday." Zarbon suddenly appeared out of nowhere.  
>"Whoa!" Vegeta jumped back. "Okay, <strong>how<strong> do you guys do that!"  
>"The sky on my home planet was midnight pink." Zarbon said.<br>"… … K."  
>"Kold forgot his birthday?" Nappa looked at Zarbon.<br>"Yup." Zarbon nodded. "He also forgot he had a second son, and when Frieza complained about him forgetting he beat him up and threw him out the window. Frieza must be really upset! He won't even let me rub his back or do that thing with my tongue that he likes!" Vegeta and Nappa shuddered at that image. "Anyway," Zarbon grinned. "Too-da-loo!" He merrily walked off.  
>"Wow…" Vegeta mumbled. "I never knew Frieza was so close with his father."<br>"D'you think he'll be like this forever?" Nappa asked.  
>"Nah. It'll probably wear off in a few hours."<p>

A few and a half hours later Frieza was sitting on his bed hugging a pillow and still sobbing when he heard a knock on the door.  
>"Go away…" Frieza whimpered.<br>"Sir, I got you a new wine bottle…" Vegeta's voice came from outside the room.  
>"… … Bring it in…" Vegeta entered and gave him a half-empty bottle of wine.<br>"… This is exactly the same bottle!" Frieza growled.  
>"No, it's the same amount of wine. I poured it into a new bottle." Vegeta explained.<br>"… … Right, pointless." Frieza uttered. "Yeah."  
>"Er…" Vegeta began. "You fancy coming out anytime soon? Zarbon's started picking out last resorts in the shower room."<br>"Nu-uh." Frieza shook his head stubbornly.  
>"But Friezaaaaaaaa!" Vegeta whined. "I want a shower!"<br>"So grin and bear it." Frieza huffed. "He's okay really – just look out for his tongue." Vegeta's face turned blue as a rather unpleasant image came into his head. Frieza sniffed. "Anyway, how would **you** know how I feel?" he cried. "Your father was never mean to you!"  
>"Yeah, but he never really had the <strong>chance<strong> to, remember?" Vegeta frowned.  
>"Oh yeah." Frieza mumbled. "Pity about that meteor, hm?"<br>"Yeah, right. It was a meteor." Vegeta growled. "What – ever!"  
>"<em><strong>Meanie<strong>_!" Frieza rolled onto his stomach and sobbed into his pillow.  
><em>"Geez, all I did was accuse him of killing my father!"<em> Vegeta thought to himself. Frieza sniffed again.  
>"Vegeta…" He uttered.<br>"What?"  
>"What was your father like? Was he nice?" Vegeta shrugged.<br>"I guess." He sat down. "He was strict, but he never hit me or anything."  
>"Did he ever hug you?" Frieza asked.<br>"Not really, but he told me he was proud of me and said that I'd be the next super saiyan ^_^"  
>"He told you he was proud of you when you hadn't even <strong>done<strong> anything?"  
>"Yeah, because he knew I'd become a super saiyan. He always had faith in me." Vegeta beamed. Frieza remained silent. "… I guess he was a pretty nice guy…" Vegeta lowered his eyes. "… I miss him…" Hearing this, Frieza sat up and stretched arm out towards Vegeta. "…" Vegeta slowly leans against him. " :'( "<p>

At that moment Nappa sadly walked into the room.  
>"I never knew my dad…" He choked. "He got killed when I was a kid… Damn 3-year-old." Frieza stretched his other arm out and Nappa went over to join them. The three of them sat there for a moment. " :'( "<p>

It was then that Raditz walked in sadly.  
>"My dad always ignored me…" He sighed. "He only cared about fighting and half the time he didn't even know who I was. He missed all of my birthdays…" Frieza, Vegeta and Nappa all stretched their arms out and Raditz joined them, leaning against Nappa. The four sat there for a moment more, staring into space before slowly speaking in perfect unison.<br>"… … … … I miss my daddy."


	13. The Saiyans Hallowe'en Special Part 1

**Author's Note:-**  
>Okay so my plan was to either upload this entire fic on Hallowe'en or upload the first chapter on Hallowe'en and the other two on the days following it… or maybe start uploading a couple of days earlier and have the last one on Hallowe'en, either way I screwed up because I actually forgot about it until just now! So apologises guys! I finished editing the fic a while ago and put it to the back of my mind, and I've been so busy with being sick and trying to organise a Hallowe'en party it just slipped my mind completely. Anyway… I promise this won't happen with the Christmas Special! So, sorry guys! I hope you enjoy this section, even if it is a little late :p I'll be posting the three sections throughout the day, so stay tuned!<p>

*

**The Saiyans Hallowe'en Special**  
><strong>Chapter 1: Vegeta's Hormones<strong>

"Hmm…" Vegeta mused, looking in the mirror. "Still not as ugly as the real Frieza…" It was Hallowe'en, and he'd decided to go that extra mile and dress up as Lord Frieza. He turned away from the mirror at the sound of knocking on the door.  
>"Come on, Vegeta!" Nappa called from outside the room. "Are you done getting change! This isn't fair; I let you see my costume!"<br>"Okay, okay, you can come in!" Vegeta sighed. Nappa entered the room and looked at Vegeta's costume.  
>"Cool." He said. "What are you supposed to be?" Vegeta stared at him in disbelief.<br>"Nappa, the horns!" He protested. "The scales, the pink skin, the _**lizard tail**_! Who do you think I am!" Nappa shrugged.  
>"Barney the Dinosaur?"<br>"… Nappa… did anyone ever tell you that you were a complete idiot?" Vegeta sighed.  
>"Sure. You tell me that all the time, but I don't believe it." Nappa answered.<br>"Well maybe you should start believing it."  
>"Why?"<br>"Because you are one."

Raditz entered the room. Vegeta and Nappa looked up as he did so, staring at his costume in confusion. He looked like a train wreck!  
>"What are you supposed to be?" Nappa asked.<br>"My brother." Raditz replied.  
>"But…" Vegeta blinked. "You look like you've been shot several times and run over by a few hundred trucks."<br>"Well I figure since he never came back from Earth something bad must've happened to him." Raditz pointed to his costume. "And this was the most decorative thing I could think of."  
>"… I am <strong>really<strong> glad I don't have a brother like you." Vegeta said. Raditz pouted.  
>"Anyway, Frieza's gonna be pissed off if he finds out you're dressing up as him for Hallowe'en."<br>"So what?" Vegeta snapped. "It's Hallowe'en, in a few minutes he'll be too drunk to even recognize himself when he's looking in the mirror, let alone when I'm wearing a costume of him." Raditz shrugged.  
>"I guess." He looked at Nappa. "What are <em>you<em> supposed to be?"  
>"He's <em>being<em> disrespectful!" Vegeta angrily exclaimed.  
>"What!" Nappa innocently protested. "I'm the destruction of Planet Vegeta. What's disrespectful about that?"<br>"I cannot believe you!" Vegeta shouted. "Our planet, our_ race_ gets blown up and you dress up as an exploding planet! _**Our**_ planet!"  
>"Well <em><strong>you're<strong>_ dressed up as the guy who destroyed it!" Nappa argued.  
>"Hey!" Vegeta barked. "If <strong>this<strong> isn't the scariest outfit you can make then I don't know what is!" Nappa shrugged.  
>"Yeah, I guess he is pretty scary…" He agreed.<p>

Raditz looked at them. "What's Lord Frieza come as?"  
>"His mother…" Vegeta mumbled.<br>"Really!" Nappa gasped.  
>"No, dumbass!"<br>"Geez, what's the matter with you?" Nappa frowned.  
>"<em><strong>Your costume<strong>_!" Vegeta glared at him. "Why don't you just dress up as my father being ripped up into tiny little pieces!"  
>"Now that <em>would<em> be disrespectful." Nappa replied. "But okay, if you don't mind…"  
>"I can't talk to you anymore!" Vegeta stormed out of the room, his eyes burning with rage.<br>"Wow, this is fun. Way to piss him off, Nappa." Raditz mumbled.  
>"Do you think it was something I said?" Nappa looked at him naively.<br>"Nah, 'course not." Raditz sarcastically replied.  
>"I didn't think so either." Nappa sighed. "Must be hormones. All teenagers get stroppy, right?"<br>"Nappa, you're an idiot!"  
>"I know, everybody keeps saying that…"<p> 


	14. The Saiyans Hallowe'en Special Part 2

**The Saiyans Hallowe'en Special **  
><strong>Chapter 2: Frieza's Outfit<strong>

Vegeta was walking angrily down the corridor mumbling something bad in saiyan about Nappa when he suddenly heard a loud, piercing girlish scream coming from nearby.  
>"Huh?" Vegeta turned his head towards the scream and ran to see what it was.<p>

In Frieza's bedroom Frieza was letting out a high girlish scream. Vegeta entered the room, realizing the source of the scream was Frieza.  
>"Sir?" He looked at him.<br>"Oh, Vegeta!" Frieza threw himself at him and cried against his shoulder. "It's terrible!"  
>"Er… what it?" Vegeta asked, sweat-dropping.<br>"I… I broke a nail!" Frieza cried.  
>"Oh… that's… er… terrible…" Vegeta mumbled. <em>"Get out of here quick!"<em> He thought to himself. "Er… I gotta go er… do… something…" Frieza sniffed.  
>"But you don't have any missions."<br>"Er… I'm going trick or treating?"  
>"Really!" Frieza gasped, wiping his eyes. "With who?"<br>"Nappa and Raditz."  
>"Can I come too?" He looked at Vegeta pleadingly.<br>"Well –"  
>"Pleeeeeease? Pretty please?" Frieza looked at him sternly. "Or I'll kill you." Vegeta gulped.<br>"Okay, sure."  
>"Yippee!" Frieza grinned. "Let me just sort my outfit out." He looked at Vegeta. "By the way, who are you supposed to be?" He narrowed his eyes at him. "Not me, is it?"<br>"No, no!" Vegeta insisted. "It's, er, your brother."  
>"How did you know I had a brother?" Frieza asked in suspicion.<br>"Zarbon told me."  
>"Oh. Okay, fair enough – but my brother's uglier than that. The outfit you're wearing looks kinda cute, Coola's ugly."<br>"Right ^_^" Vegeta replied.

Later on, in the saiyan's bedroom Vegeta was clutching onto Nappa's leg.  
>"Pleeeeeeease!" He whined. "Please please please! I'm gonna get killed if you don't!"<br>"Too bad!" Nappa growled. "I am **not** going trick or treating!"  
>"Oh, grow up!" Vegeta snapped. "It's not like you have to sing or dance or look at anyone with big puppy eyes in hope that they'll give you some candy!"<br>"I'll come trick or treating if you let me wear this costume." Nappa folded his arms.  
>"… …" Vegeta glared at him. "<em><strong>Fine then<strong>_!" He climbed to his feet. "But I'm gonna be pissed off with you all night!" Nappa shrugged.  
>"Suits me."<br>"Raditz, what about you?" Vegeta looked at the remaining saiyan.  
>"Yeah, okay." Raditz agreed. "It'll be worth it just to see Frieza's costume ^_^"<p>

At that moment Frieza entered the room.  
>"Okay, you guys ready?" He asked. Vegeta looked at his costume and broke about five ribs forcing himself not to burst out laughing.<br>"S –" He sniggered. "Sure…" Raditz covered his face with his hand.  
>"L – Let's," Nappa chuckled, his face bright red. "Go." Frieza looked at them.<br>"What?" he blinked.  
>"Nothing… I, er…" Vegeta smirked. "Like your outfit." Frieza looked down at his ballerina outfit.<br>"Really?" He grinned. "It was just something I threw on ^_^"  
>"Yeah, it looks like it." Nappa mumbled. Raditz bursts out laughing. Vegeta elbowed Nappa, trying incredibly hard not to laugh himself.<br>"Shut up!" He smirked.  
>"Huh?" Frieza looked at them.<br>"Nothing ^_^" Nappa innocently replied.  
>"Okay, then." Vegeta said. He took Vegeta's hand and grinned at the saiyans. "Let's go!"<p> 


	15. The Saiyans Hallowe'en Special Part 3

**The Saiyans Hallowe'en Special **  
><strong>Chapter 3: Zarbon's Treat<strong>

"Where to next?" Frieza beamed as he skipped along merrily.  
>"Haven't we done the whole ship, Sir?" Nappa sighed, bored.<br>"Yeah, and five people had stuff to give!" Vegeta growled. "I thought everyone except me got paid!"  
>"So I don't pay them enough to buy anything, big deal!" Frieza argued. "We're having fun, right?" Vegeta, Nappa and Raditz looked at him blankly.<br>"… Er…"  
>"<em><strong>Right<strong>_!" Frieza roared, red flames burning in his eyes.  
>"Yes Sir!" the saiyans cried. Frieza looked around and pointed down a corridor.<br>"Hey, we haven't been down there yet! Let's go!" he took Vegeta's hand again and ran down the corridor.  
>"Sir, please stop grabbing my hand…" Vegeta whined.<br>"Vegeta, please stop ordering me around." Frieza retorted and punched in the stomach Vegeta before continuing down the corridor. Vegeta choked at the impact and fell to his knees, clutching stomach.  
>"Y-Yes Sir…" he choked.<p>

Frieza stopped in front of a door and looked at it.  
>"Hmm… whose room is this?" he mused. "Saiyans, come here!"<br>"Yes Sir." Nappa and Raditz mumbled. Vegeta got up and walks over to him. Frieza knocked on the door, which was opened by Dodoria.  
>"Trick or treat?" Frieza and the saiyans chanted in perfect unison. Dodoria sighed.<br>"Okay, okay, hang on a minute." He went back inside the room and returned after a few minutes with a bottle of wine. "Here." He uttered reluctantly and gave the bottle to Frieza. Frieza frowned.  
>"Hey…" he said. "Wasn't this the exact same wine bottle that I lost –"<br>"No!" Dodoria snapped and slammed the door in his face.  
>"Argh!" Frieza growled. "He is so fired!" at that moment Dodoria opened the door.<br>"You can't fire me, I_** quit**_!" he screamed and slammed the door shut.  
>"Ah, come on!" Frieza sighed. "If you come back I'll set you up with Zarbon!" Dodoria opened the door.<br>"Done." He snapped, slamming the door shut again.  
>"… Okay…" Vegeta uttered.<br>"Anyway…" Raditz mumbled.

Frieza glared at them.  
>"Come on! More doors!" he demanded.<br>"What about that one?" Nappa pointed to another door.  
>"Eep!" Frieza squealed. "No way! That's Zarbon's room! If he sees me dressed like this and hanging around with you people he'll think I'm a loser!"<br>"Yeah, I love you too -_-" Vegeta replied sarcastically.  
>"Okay, so let's skip Zarbon." Raditz shrugged.<br>"No way!" Frieza protested. "He's loaded! **You** three go!" Nappa sighed.  
>"Yes Sir…"<p>

Frieza hid at a safe distance as the saiyans approach Zarbon's room and knock on the door. After a short moment Zarbon opened the door.  
>"Trick or tr – … eat…" the saiyans stopped dead as they stared at Zarbon's costume. He was wearing fishnet tights, lots of makeup, a short black skirt, black leather boots and a fancy black sleeveless top. The straps of his bra could also be seen.<br>"Er… okay…" Vegeta sweat dropped.  
>"Ew…" Nappa and Raditz shuddered.<br>"Tr – trick or treat?" Vegeta said, still staring at Zarbon. Zarbon leaned against the doorway and smirked sexily at him.  
>"Ooo, treat, please." He purred. "I've been waiting all night to treat you,<em> Lord Frieza<em>…" Nappa and Raditz's faced turned red and they began to snigger.  
>"Huh!" Vegeta's eyes widened.<br>"You didn't dress up, I see?" Zarbon commented as he looked Vegeta up and down. "Well… that doesn't matter…" He wrapped his arms around Vegeta's waist. "Because you'll soon be taking it off…" Nappa and Raditz's ribs started to break as they contained their laughter. Vegeta's eyes grew wider.  
>"Zarbon, I'm not Fr –"<br>Ah, ah, ah." Zarbon interrupted. "Don't talk…" Before Vegeta could stop him Zarbon kissed the saiyan prince passionately, tightening his grip on Vegeta's waist. At that moment Nappa and Raditz burst into hysterical laughter as they watched the scene.  
>"<em><strong>Gross<strong>_!" Vegeta screamed, pulling away instantly. His face turned green. "I'm gonna be sick! Zarbon!" He ripped off his horns, helmet and tail and glared at Zarbon. "It's **me**, you idiot!"  
>"V-Vegeta!" Zarbon choked, wide-eyed.<br>"**Yes**, baka!" Vegeta screamed.  
>"<strong>Ew<strong>!" Zarbon wailed. "Ew ew ew! That's _**gross**_!" Nappa and Raditz laughed even harder at his statement. Vegeta glared at them in anger, his face burning.  
>"<em><strong>Shut up<strong>_!" he roared.

At that moment Frieza entered the scene.  
>"What's all the screaming abou –" He stopped when he noticed Zarbon.<br>"Lord Frieza!" Zarbon gasped.  
>"Zarbon!" Frieza cried. Zarbon raised his eyebrow and smirked.<br>"Nice costume." He winked.  
>"You too." Frieza replied, also smirking.<br>"Trick or treat?" Zarbon sexily uttered.  
>"Hmm…" Frieza purred, walking over to him. "Treat." He smirked. "A long, hard, passionate treat." Zarbon wrapped his arms around Frieza and smirked.<br>"You got it." They went into his room and closed the door behind them, leaving the saiyans stood there, shocked at what they had just witnessed.  
>"O.O" Vegeta's eyes were still wide while Nappa and Raditz stood in silence. After a moment Nappa spoke.<br>"What d'you think they're doing in there?" he asked.  
>"…" Raditz looked at him. "Nappa, my friend… I don't think you want to know."<br>"This is **not** good for my sixteen-year-old mind!" Vegeta declared. Nappa looked at Vegeta.  
>"See, <strong>this<strong> is why you don't do trick-or-treating with _Frieza_!" he growled. "Come on, let's go to bed."  
>"Nappa," Raditz groaned. "Please don't mention 'bed'."<p> 


	16. It's A Prank

Vegeta stormed in half-naked, his face red with anger.  
>"Alright," he snapped. "Who put me in Lord Frieza's bedroom last night!" Nappa and Raditz looked at him innocently.<br>"What do you mean, Veg?" they asked, seemingly clueless as to what he was talking about.  
>"You<strong> know<strong> what I mean!" Vegeta shouted. "I was too drunk last night to remember that much but I do know that I was sober enough at some point to remember passing out!" Nappa sniggered as he said this. Vegeta just glared at him, switching his gaze between the two saiyans. "One of you stole my clothes and put me in Frieza's bedroom, who was it!" he demanded.  
>"Wait – you spent the night in Frieza's bedroom?" Raditz gasped. "What does this mean?"<br>"Yeah, are we seeing a new side to Vegeta?" Nappa sniggered.  
>"<em><strong>Shut up<strong>_!" Vegeta roared, causing Nappa and Raditz to grin widely.  
>"Tell me which of you did it," Vegeta growled. "And give me my damn clothes back!"<br>"Sorry Vegeta, no can do." Nappa shrugged.  
>"What do you mean?" Vegeta looked at him.<br>"We threw your clothes off the ship." Raditz answered casually.  
>"You did <strong>what<strong>!" Vegeta's eyes widened and his face flared up in anger. Nappa cleared his throat and began to answer him, slowly and clearly.  
>"We… threw… your… clothes –"<br>"**I heard you**!" Vegeta screamed. "What I mean is – why the **fuck** did you do that!" Nappa simply shrugged.  
>"It was funny at the time…" Raditz mumbled. "Actually now that I think about it, it still is ^_^"<br>"Well go and get them – I _**order**_ you!" Vegeta demanded.  
>"We would…" Nappa began.<br>"But…?" Vegeta glared at him.  
>"But the position of the ship when we threw them out last night stops us retrieving your clothes now." Raditz answered. Vegeta looked at him, his fists clenched.<br>"What was the position of the ship?"  
>"Outer space." Nappa said.<br>"A few million miles back." Raditz added.

Vegeta stared at them for a moment, and blinked.  
>"… You're kidding, right?" he mumbled.<br>"Why would we do that?" Raditz gasped dramatically, pretending to be insulted.  
>"To annoy me." Vegeta growled, not amused.<br>"Vegeta, look at how you're dressed." Nappa sighed. "Could we possibly annoy you anymore?" Vegeta paused again, and slowly realized Nappa was right.  
>"<strong>You guys<strong>!" he screamed, becoming even angrier at the realization that Nappa had a point. "Okay that's it; I **swear** I will kill you!"  
>"Ah, lighten up!" Nappa beamed.<br>"Yeah, and try not to move around so much when you're wearing underwear that tight." Raditz shuddered.

At that moment Zarbon entered the room.  
>"Lord Frieza –" He suddenly saw Vegeta and paused. "… K." he cleared his throat. "Anyway…"<br>"-_- It's a prank." Vegeta mumbled bitterly.  
>"Well I'm <em>really<em> glad I don't understand the funny side of it." Zarbon replied.  
>"Well the funny side wasn't all <em><strong>Lord Frieza<strong>_ saw!" Nappa grinned. Raditz sniggered.  
>"Shut up, okay!" Vegeta screamed. "Zarbon, what do you want?"<br>"Vegeta, Lord Frieza wishes to speak to you in private." Zarbon said.  
>"Yeah…?" Nappa and Raditz smirked.<br>"Hey, you're well in there Vegeta!" Nappa grinned.  
>"<em><strong>Shut up<strong>_!" Vegeta yelled. "Just because you two have no lives!"  
>"Oh, who cares!" Zarbon snapped. "Vegeta stop arguing, get into Lord Frieza's headquarters and dammit boy put some <strong>clothes<strong> on!" He stormed out.  
>"What's with him?" Vegeta frowned. Nappa shrugged.<br>"Probably jealous of you and Frieza." he smirked.  
>"Fuck off." Vegeta left the room in a sulk and headed towards Frieza's quarters.<p>

In another part of the ship Vegeta knocked on Frieza's door.  
>"Enter, my child…" Frieza beckoned from inside the room. Vegeta sighed and entered.<br>"You asked to see me, Sir?" he said in a defeated tone. Frieza turned around.  
>"Yes, I – … O.O" he stared at Vegeta's mostly naked body in shock.<br>"It's a prank -_-" Vegeta mumbled.  
>"I'll never understand you monkeys." Frieza mused.<br>"Any reason why I'm here?" Vegeta asked.  
>"Yes, I believe your parents had sex… … Ew." Frieza winced.<br>"-_-" Vegeta wasn't amused.  
>"Well anyway…" Frieza began. "I just wanted to know why I woke up this morning to find a half-naked saiyan prince lying next to me with his hand on things that don't belong to him."<br>"O.O With his hands on **what**!" Vegeta cried, wide-eyed.  
>"Vegeta…" Frieza sighed. "You're a very handsome young man, and someday you will make Nappa or Raditz very happy… –"<br>Wait a minute – What!" Vegeta's eyes widened even further.  
>"But…" Frieza continued. "You are a saiyan, I am an icejiin; you are a prince, I am a better one; you are seventeen, I am… older. Do you understand?"<br>"Not a word, sorry." Vegeta shrugged.  
>"Not only are you too young for me, I am <strong>so<strong> out of your league!" Frieza cried.  
>"You are not!" Vegeta protested.<br>"Uh – yes I am!" Frieza argued. "I am a beauty queen, Zarbon is runner-up, Ginyu is after him and you're somewhere after the rest of the Ginyu Force and that guy who runs around the ship drunk out of his mind every three thousand days wearing nothing but a plastic bag over his face shouting 'I am the legendary super saiyan.' "  
>"Yeah, I've heard about that guy but I've never actually seem him…" Vegeta mused.<br>"Well anyway, do you get what I mean?" Frieza asked.  
>"Not really, no." Vegeta answered. Frieza gave a long, deep sigh.<br>"What I mean is…" he began. "Keep your filthy hands to yourself you pervert!" he bitch slapped Vegeta. "I _**never**_ want to see you in my bedroom again!" Frieza screamed and stormed out.

Vegeta was left standing there alone, still wearing nothing but his underwear. He stood motionless for a while, then shivered, and continued to stand there in silence, deciding on what to do. Suddenly Frieza stormed back into the room.  
>"Why am I leaving?" he demanded. "These are <strong>my<strong> headquarters; you leave!"  
>"Ookay." Vegeta replied, and obediently left the room. As he did so Frieza stuck his head out of the door and called after him,<br>"And don't leave your clothes hanging on my towel rack!"  
>"Aw, those <em><strong>bastards<strong>_!"


	17. The Saiyans Father's Day Special

**Author's Note:-**  
>So I wasn't going to upload this until Father's Day but I really wanted to finish this series of The Saiyans so I can get on with uploading Generation 2. This is the last installment now before The Saiyans Christmas Special so I hope you all enjoy it! Many thanks for reading, and please review!<br>~ Vickychan

* * *

><p>"Okay," Frieza announced, ticking off on his fingers. "Ship cleaned, wine delivered, legs shaved, Zarbon's brushed his hair, the Ginyu Force are wearing deodorant, Dodoria's lost a little weight… Everything's perfect for Papa's Father's Day visit!" he sighed deeply and smiled. "Now I can relax!" With that Frieza collapsed onto the floor and didn't move for a few minutes.<br>"Er… Sir…" Zarbon sweat dropped, staring at Frieza.  
>"What do you want, Zarbon!" Frieza snapped.<br>"Just one last tiny detail you seem to have overlooked…" Zarbon began.  
>"Well Zarbon you of all people should know I don't care for tiny things. I like it large and hard, man!"<br>"… Yah. Anyway…" Zarbon continued.  
>"Yes, what have I missed off?" Frieza growled, staring blankly at the ceiling.<br>"Well Sir… you've sorted out the Ginyu Force, Dodoria and myself…" Zarbon said.  
>"Yes…?"<br>"What about the saiyans?"  
>"… … <em><strong>SHIT<strong>_!" Frieza jumped up, his body shaking with panic. "What about the fucking saiyans!" he screamed. "Zarbon, _**quick**_! Papa will be here in half an hour; **find them at once**!"  
>"Aye-aye, captain!" Zarbon exclaimed and ran out of the room.<br>"Oh crap, oh crap…" a panicking Frieza uttered hysterically. "Where are the saiyans anyway!"

Meanwhile in Frieza's pantry the saiyans were singing to themselves.  
><em>"Well forget what I've been told,"<em> Vegeta sang followed by Raditz,  
><em>"I'm not breaking for you to mould,"<em>  
><em> "But I can't do this all on my own,"<em> Nappa bellowed, joined by the other two.  
><em>"No I can't do this all on my own,"<em>  
><em> "'Cos I know,<em>" Vegeta downed a bottle of wine.  
><em>"That I'm no,"<em> Raditz did the same.  
><em>"Super Saiyan!"<em> the three declared.  
><em>"I'm no Super Saiyan,"<em> Vegeta grinned.  
><em>"I'm no Super Saiyan,"<em> Nappa drank his wine.  
><em>"Someday I might know better,"<em> Vegeta chanted.  
><em>"I'm no Super Saiyan,"<em> Nappa and Raditz backed him up.  
><em>"Someday-ay-ay-ay…"<em>  
><em> "Someday I might know better,"<em> Raditz hummed.  
><em>"Someday-ay-ay-ay…"<em> the three of them clicked their wine bottles together and cried, "_**I'm no super saiyan**_!"

At that moment Zarbon entered the room.  
>"Saiyans!" he roared angrily.<br>"Crap!" Vegeta gasped.  
>"Busted -_-" Raditz mumbled.<br>"All of you – report to Lord Frieza's headquarters at once!" Zarbon demanded.  
>"Why?" Nappa asked.<br>"Because I said so – **aah**!" Zarbon jumped up as Frieza appeared out of nowhere and pushed him to the other end of the corridor.  
>"Saiyans!" Frieza yelled. "Leave the ship – <strong>now<strong>!"  
>"We don't have a mission." Vegeta blinked.<br>"Well get one!" Frieza snapped. Nappa shrugged.  
>"K." he said. "Anything you need doing?"<br>"No…" Frieza uttered a short tearless cry.  
>"So… where do you want us to go?" Raditz said.<br>"I – –" Frieza paused for a moment, and his face sank. "… Can't think of anything -_-" As Frieza said that Zarbon walked back over to him.  
>"Sir, King Kold is here." He reported.<br>"**Aah**!" Frieza screamed and grabbed the saiyans. "Come with me, hurry!"  
>"Sir –" Vegeta choked as Frieza pushed them down the ship.<br>"Yeah yeah yeah, no time for that!" Frieza cut Vegeta off and slammed the three into a room full of space pods. "Okay, take one each and get off the ship!"  
>"Lord Frieza –" Vegeta tried to speak again.<br>"No time!" Frieza interrupted. "Here," He took $1,000 out of his pants and shoved it into Vegeta's hands. "Take some cash, go to a planet, catch a movie, eat lunch, whatever! Just get out of here before my father sees you!"  
>"O.O" Vegeta counted the money. <em>"… Cool…"<em> he thought to himself, then looked at Frieza. "Sir, this isn't much –" Before he could finish Frieza handed him another million.  
>"Satisfied!" Frieza demanded. Vegeta sighed.<br>"It'll do, I guess…"  
>"<strong>Arrrgh<strong>!" Frieza screamed and chucked him another $500. "**There**!" he roared. "Now fuck off!"  
>"Yes Sir!" Vegeta looked at Nappa and Raditz. "Come on guys, let's go."<br>"**Good**!" Frieza shouted.

At that moment King Kold entered the room.  
>"There you are, Son!" he bellowed.<br>"**Aah**!" Frieza screamed, wide-eyed.  
>"Huh?" Kold blinked. Frieza sweat-dropped and stood in front of the saiyans in a futile attempt to hide them.<br>"Hello, Papa ^_^" he smiled nervously. Kold looked at Frieza and then noticed the saiyans.  
>"… Who are they?" he asked.<br>"Them?" Frieza laughed. "They're just – um –"  
>"Plumbers." Vegeta stated.<br>"**Yes**!" Frieza exclaimed. "We had a leak, see? But it's all taken care of now and they were just going." Kold then noticed Vegeta was carrying rather a lot of money.  
>"… You paid them a lot, didn't you?" he commented.<br>"It was a big leak." Frieza explained. "Zarbon was playing with the toilet pipes again."  
>"O.O" In the same second all three of the saiyans turned wide-eyed and pale-faced.<br>"Oh, I see." Kold nodded and folded his arms. "Well don't just stand there, boy! Get me some booze!"  
>"Yes Father." Frieza whacked the saiyans into their space pods with his tail and lead Kold out of the room.<p>

Later on another planet the saiyans were playing in a casino. Vegeta was wearing a fur coat, a white shirt, a black jacket, black trousers, a black tie and shiny black shoes; he was drinking champagne, smoking cigars and winning yet another game of roulette with a beautiful girl on either side of him.  
>"Wow…" the girls uttered.<br>"You're amazing…" the girl on his left sighed.  
>"Yeah, I know – hey!" Vegeta smirked at the girl on his right. "Off my tail." He grinned. The girl simply giggled.<p>

Elsewhere in the casino Nappa and Raditz were sat down with a few other girls.  
>"Honestly babe I swear it, I'm the prince of saiyans…" Raditz purred. Nappa grinned.<br>"Yeah, and I'm the king…" he said.  
>"Really?" one of the girls blinked. "You look awfully young to be somebody's father…"<br>"Heh heh…"  
>"O.O Wait wait, you're <em>whose<em> father!" Raditz cried out with wide eyes. Nappa glared at him.  
>"Shut up, son!" he growled.<br>"But –"  
>"We don't wanna make a scene in front of our friends…" Nappa smiled as the girls batted their eyelashes at Raditz. Raditz stared at them, and sighed.<br>"Yeah, okay 'Dad'." he mumbled and looked at the girls. "It's true; we're the king and prince of saiyans…"  
>"Well that's so cool." One of the girls beamed. "Hey! Later, do you think you could show us your royal swords?"<br>"Yeah, we'd love to be knighted…" her friend giggled. Nappa and Raditz looked at each other, and after a long pause turned to the girls. "_**Okay**_!"

At that moment Vegeta walked past them with his arms around his own girls.  
>"I'm gonna go find a hotel room, okay you guys?" he said to Nappa and Raditz. "See you in the morning."<br>"Yeah okay, er…" Nappa sweat dropped as he noticed his and Raditz's girls looking at him. "… Bodyguard."  
>"Ahh…" The girls nodded in understanding. Vegeta looked at Nappa in puzzlement.<br>"Bodyguard?" he said.  
>"Er… yeah." Raditz answered. "It's… your… um… job. Remember? ^_^"<br>"Wait a minute," Vegeta frowned. "It's my _**what**_?"  
>"Hey Vegeta, are we going or not?" the girl on his left nagged.<br>"Yeah," the right girl added, playing with his tail. "We wanna get to know you…"  
>"Every inch." Her companion smirked. Vegeta drooled, his tail twitching with excitement.<br>"Yeah sure!" he insisted. "We're going right now!" Without a second's hesitation he hurriedly led them away, not even glancing at Nappa and Raditz.  
>"Phew!" Nappa and Raditz uttered.<br>"That was close…" Nappa sighed.  
>"Yeah…" Raditz mumbled. "I just hope he's too drunk to remember any of that in the morning." Nappa gulped.<br>"Me too…" he choked.

In the morning Vegeta was sleeping next to his girls in a bed covered with money.  
>"Zzzz…" As he slept Raditz and Nappa carefully opened the door and stared over at his bed.<br>"Okay," Raditz whispered to Nappa. "Just go over there, grab some money, and come back over here."  
>"Why can't I just wake him up and ask to take the money?" Nappa asked impatiently.<br>"Because he might still remember last night!" Raditz snapped.  
>"… Oh."<br>"… -_- I'll tell you what we said later." Raditz frowned in annoyance.  
>"Okay." Nappa nodded. He quietly sneaked over to Vegeta's bed and reached his hand out to grab some of the money. Vegeta suddenly stirred, causing Nappa to freeze on the spot.<br>"Zzzzzz…" Vegeta simply continued sleeping and scratched his crotch.  
>"… K." Nappa uttered and quietly started gathering a few notes.<br>"_**Freeze**_!" Vegeta roared as he snapped wide awake at the sound of the money being taken.  
>"What happened!" the startled girls cried as they too woke up. Vegeta pointed to Nappa, his face burning in anger.<br>"He – … Nappa?" he blinked when he realized the thief was his own companion.  
>"Hey Veg ^_^" Nappa sweat dropped. "Just borrowing some cash."<br>"Well you could've asked y'know." Vegeta said.  
>"Yeah, but Raditz told me not to." Nappa replied. Raditz's eyes widened.<br>"**Nappa you idiot**!" he screamed, his heart racing.  
>"What!" Nappa protested. Vegeta frowned.<br>"Huh?" he uttered. "Why'd he tell you not to?"  
>"Dunno." Nappa shrugged. "Apparently we said something to you last night."<br>"Oh, for – –" Raditz hung his head in dismay.  
>"… I don't remember." Vegeta mumbled. He looked at Raditz. "What was it?"<br>"Nothing. Nothing at all, Vegeta-sama." Raditz grinned sheepishly. "Don't worry about it. You are the_** prince**_!"  
>"… Yeah okay." Vegeta said.<p>

Just then one of Nappa and Raditz's girls entered the room.  
>"There you are…" she smirked at Raditz, causing him to yelp. "You didn't think you could escape that easily, did you Prince?"<br>"Uh…" Raditz uttered.  
>"'Prince'!" Vegeta cried. The girl looked at him.<br>"Yeah, he told me all about you three." She smiled.  
>"What!" Vegeta looked at Raditz. "Told her <strong>what<strong>!"  
>"Nothing, she's drunk –"<br>"Oh yeah! I remember now!" Nappa exclaimed. "We said that I was the king of saiyans, Raditz was the prince, and Vegeta was the butler!"  
>"<strong>Nappa<strong>!" Raditz screamed.  
>"What?" Nappa blinked, and then realized what he had done. "… Oh, right." He gulped. "I wasn't supposed to say that…" Raditz looked at Vegeta and laughed nervously.<br>"Heh heh… well, sorry we disturbed you!" he smiled. "We'll just be going now, okay?"  
>"Come here…" Vegeta growled.<br>"Er, no, it's okay…" Nappa backed away, his nerves growing. "We'll let you sleep –"  
>"Come <strong>here<strong>!" Vegeta jumped out of bed, causing Raditz to scream in horror.  
>"<strong>Aaaah<strong>! Veg, you're naked!" he cried.  
>"Ooo, nice bread knife…" the new girl giggled. Vegeta looked down, and realized he was indeed naked.<br>"… Okay." He looked at Nappa and Raditz. "I'll give you three seconds to run while I get dressed." He reached for his clothes.  
>"Let's go!" Raditz squealed and ran off.<br>"Yu-huh!" Nappa followed him.

Meanwhile on Frieza's ship King Kold was heading towards the exit.  
>"Well Son, I must say that this has been a most enjoyable Father's Day for me…" he beamed. "Oh yeah!" Kold held up a very angry looking Guldo. "And thanks for the present. You didn't have to."<br>"Ah it's okay." Frieza waved a hand. "I'm always tripping over him anyway."  
>"-_-" Guldo wasn't impressed.<br>"Well, you're certainly my favorite son at the moment." Kold stated proudly. "You wouldn't _believe_ the state Coola's ship was in! Dirty walls, not enough wine, fat employees, people with messy hair, stinky Special Forces unit, and to top it all off, there were these three complete _**idiots**_! One was a horny teenager that seemed like a total slacker who never worked unless he could get drunk and party with girls, one looked like Sonic the Hedgehog, and the other was just a complete and utter moron!"  
>"Heh heh…" Frieza laughed nervously. "Yes well… my brother never was good at employing people…"<br>"You can say that again!" Kold declared. "I'm just glad there's nobody like that on your ship!"  
>"Certainly not Papa!" Frieza beamed and opened the door for him. "I wouldn't dream of having people like that one my –" His words were cut short by the sight of Vegeta, Nappa and Raditz in the next room, looking less than presentable with their clothes covered in white stains and their skin covered in bite marks and lipstick.<br>"**Prince**! **King**!" Vegeta roared in anger at the other saiyans, his face burning with rage.  
>"Veg – calm down!" Raditz cried. "You gotta see it from our point of view –"<br>"Ah, **shut up**! Vegeta blasted him.  
>"Sir –" Nappa choked.<br>"Yes, your majesty!" Vegeta blasted him as well.

King Kold stood there in awe, watching the scene.  
>"Frieza…" he uttered.<br>"Um…" Frieza looked at him with a pale blue face. "Yes Papa? ^_^'"  
>"Who are these people?" Kold asked.<br>"They're um… window cleaners!" Frieza declared.  
>"I thought they were plumbers." Kold said flatly.<br>"They have a wide range of skills." Frieza answered. "They can do almost anything!"  
>"Nappa, control him!" Raditz wailed.<br>"I don't know how!" Nappa cried.  
>"… Right." Kold muttered.<br>"Really Papa, they are!" Frieza looked at the saiyans. "**Hey**!" The saiyans froze and looked at him.  
>"Yes, Lord Frieza?" they answered.<br>"I hired you three to clean my windows, not destroy my ship!" Frieza yelled. "Now stop this pathetic arguing and clean the windows like I told you to!" The saiyans simply stared at him blankly.  
>"… Wha?" they uttered. Vegeta suddenly caught on.<br>"Sure!" he grinned. "We'll start work right away. How much are you paying us?" At that point Frieza shot him a cold black deathglare, causing Vegeta to nervously retreat. "… We'll get the bill later ^_^'" Vegeta stammered and walked out, followed by Nappa and Raditz. Frieza looked at Kold and grinned nervously.  
>"See!" he exclaimed. "Window cleaners!"<br>"… Happy Father's Day, Son." Kold said.  
>"Why are you saying it to me?" Frieza asked.<br>"Because the way you're going, you won't live long enough to have your kids say it to you."  
>"… I'll kill that monkey -_-"<p>

**Happy Father's Day!**


	18. The Saiyans Christmas Special Part 1

**The Saiyans Christmas Special**  
><strong>Chapter 1: I'm In It For The Booze<strong>

Frieza skipped merrily into the room, full of joy.  
>"Merry Christmas!" he beamed. "Well, almost. Just three days to go!"<br>"Huh?" Vegeta, Nappa and Raditz stared at him.  
>"What's Christmas?" Vegeta asked.<br>"It's an Earth tradition." Frieza explained. "Earthlings get together and throw a party and give each other presents on the 25th December. It's a religious party or something, I think…"  
>"So you're giving out presents, Sir?" Raditz's face lit up.<br>"Of course not!" Frieza frowned. "I'm just in it for the booze. Too-da-loo!" he skipped out.  
>"Christmas, huh? Sounds fun!" Nappa grinned.<br>"Presents and alcohol, good enough for me." Vegeta shrugged.  
>"We should go to a Christmas Party!" Raditz exclaimed. "There must be other people that celebrate Christmas on this planet."<br>"Yeah, okay." Vegeta said.  
>"But we're leaving in six hours!" Nappa protested. Vegeta patted his back, casually waving a hand.<br>"Chill, we'll be back by then."

Five hours later the saiyans were still looking for a place to hang out.  
>"This looks like a Christmassy place." Raditz said, stopping outside a bar. Nappa looked at the bar.<br>"What makes you think that?" he asked.  
>"There's a big sign saying 'Merry Christmas' on the door." Raditz answered flatly.<br>"And the roof's covered in reindeer." Vegeta added.  
>"Ah, that was a lucky guess!" Nappa huffed and went into the bar. Vegeta and Raditz followed.<p> 


	19. The Saiyans Christmas Special Part 2

**The Saiyans Christmas Special **  
><strong>Chapter 2: Gay Bar<strong>

" Whoa!" Raditz's eyes bulged as they walked into the bar.  
>"Check out the booze!" Nappa grinned. Vegeta's jaw dropped as he looked around.<br>"Check out the girls!" Just as he said that a hot girl walked past the saiyans, smirking at Vegeta as she did so. Vegeta smirked after her. "Hey…" Nappa rolled his eyes.  
>"Guess we're getting the drinks in then?" he asked.<br>"Yup." Vegeta answered. "Gimme ten seconds to pick her up and then we'll be done in five minutes." He walked off after the girl.

Raditz and Nappa took a seat at the bar and ordered their drinks. As they sat there Raditz started to listen to the music playing in the background. "Hey, Christmas songs!" he grinned.  
>"Sure are!" a man sitting next to him at the bar piped up. "Not seen you two here before."<br>"Nah, this is our first visit." Nappa said.  
>"Oh, sorry, I am<strong> so<strong> rude!" the man gasped. "My name is Julian."  
>"Raditz." Raditz introduced himself.<br>"I'm Nappa."  
>"Well, nice to meet you!" Julian beamed. "Y'know, it's not often you hear about gay saiyans. I think it's great that you two are a couple!"<br>"**Huh**!" Raditz's eyes widened.  
>"A couple!" Nappa cried. "We're not a couple!"<br>"Huh? Oh, sorry. Whew, am I embarrassed!" Julian blushed. "So you guys just came for a drink? Right. Gotcha ^_^"  
>"Er… we… have to… go over here for a minute." Nappa sweat dropped, edging slowly away from the bar. "Come on, Raditz." The two of them ran off to another part of the room.<p>

After disappearing a few feet into the crowd Raditz and Nappa took a seat and stared at each other.  
>"What was with that guy?" Raditz said. "It's not like we're in a gay bar or anything."<br>"Although…" Nappa looked around. "Can you see any women around here?" Raditz looked around the room. Actually, he_ couldn't_ see any women around, but…  
>"Well there was that one Vegeta went with." He reasoned. "That looked like – …" He suddenly paused, and stared at Nappa. Nappa smirked.<br>"_Looked_…" he grinned. Raditz started to smirk as Nappa's grin grew wider. "Vegeta's gone with…"  
>"A man!" Raditz joined him at the end of his sentence and they both burst out laughing.<br>"Y – Y'know…" Nappa choked. "We should tell him…"  
>"Yeah, we really should…" Raditz chuckled. They both paused for a moment, considering the notion, and finally uttered,<br>"… Nah!" They both burst into hysterical laughter and clicked their beer bottles together.

Meanwhile in the bathroom Vegeta was getting to know the girl he'd followed.  
>"So, what's your name?" the girl asked.<br>"Listen, are you gonna strip or what?" Vegeta growled. "I've only got an hour left to get as drunk as possible and pick up as many girls as I can – preferably about ten."  
>"Girl? So that's what you call yourself?" The girl looked at him.<br>"Huh?" Vegeta looked at her.  
>"Well if you ask me, there's nothing more manly than a guy who's secure enough to admit what you and I are." The girl shrugged.<br>"What the **hell** are you talking about?" Vegeta demanded.  
>"Aren't you gonna even ask me my name first? Then I'll strip for you." The girl folded her arms. Vegeta sighed.<br>"Fine." He surrendered. "What's your name?" The girl smiled.  
>"That's better." She said. "My name is Mark." With that she started to strip.<br>"Mark?" Vegeta blinked. "But that's a guy's –" His eyes suddenly widened as Mark took off her pants. "_**Dude what the heck is that**_!"

Back in the bar Nappa was listening carefully, counting to the moment Vegeta got the girl naked.  
>"Five… four… three… two… one." At that exact moment Vegeta came running out of the bathroom, his face white.<br>"_****_!"  
>"Problem, Veg?" Raditz smirked as he joined them.<br>"The girl –" Vegeta panted. "She's a he! I mean, he's a she – no! I mean…"  
>"Huh?" Nappa blinked.<br>"This is a gay bar!" Vegeta screamed.  
>"Yeah, we know." Nappa shrugged and returned to his drink.<br>"You _**know**_!" Vegeta yelled. "So why didn't you tell me!" Raditz shrugged.  
>"We thought it would be funny." He said.<br>"I'm gonna **kill** you guys!" Vegeta roared.  
>"Well, better make it quite 'cos we've got half an hour to get back to the ship." Nappa answered.<br>"Half an hour!" Vegeta gasped. "Geez, then we gotta hurry up and find another bar!" He suddenly ran out of the door, Nappa and Raditz looked each other and with a shrug they followed.


	20. The Saiyans Christmas Special Part 3

**Author's Note:-  
><strong>Well this is the last installment in The Saiyans first series, I hope you enjoy it and look out for Generation 2 in the new year!  
>Merry Christmas!<p>

* * *

><p><strong>The Saiyans Christmas Special<strong>  
><strong>Chapter 3: Merry Christmas, Lord Frieza! <strong>

An hour later on Frieza's ship, Frieza was pissed off.  
>"Oh, forget it!" he growled. "Leave them here for the night, I'm not waiting anymore!"<br>"So should I come back for them in the morning, Sir?" Zarbon asked.  
>"Well, duh! I'm not going!" Frieza spat. "But this time they're not getting away with it! I swear I <strong>will<strong> kill them!"  
>"I totally agree, Sir!" Zarbon nodded. "Those saiyans are too dis –"<p>

At that moment Vegeta, Nappa and Raditz staggered into the room singing loudly.  
>"We wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year!"<br>"_**Saiyans**_!" Frieza screamed.  
>"Hi, Sir!" the saiyans grinned.<br>"Merry Christmas!" Raditz beamed, suddenly staggering off balance. "Whoa…" Without a scrap of grace he fell to the floor flat on his face.  
>"Raditz!" Frieza hissed. "Why are you on the<em><strong> floor<strong>_!"  
>"Just checking for worms." Raditz answered, getting up. "All clear!"<br>"And I should think so! I only cleaned that this morning!" Vegeta frowned.  
>"No you didn't!" Zarbon growled. "I told you to but it never got done!" Vegeta thought about that for a moment.<br>"… … Oh yeah."  
>"<em><strong>Enough<strong>_!" Frieza roared. "I'll give you saiyans **two** seconds to explain yourselves and then I'll kill you!"  
>"Uh… well… We, er… Uhhhh…" Nappa and Raditz attempted to answer.<br>"We got you a present, Sir!" Vegeta piped up.  
>"We did?" Nappa and Raditz stared at him.<br>"You did?" Frieza's face lit up.  
>"Yup, and yup!" Vegeta grinned.<br>"Well come on!" Frieza giggled excitedly. "Where is it?"  
>"Here you go, Sir." Vegeta smiled and handed Frieza a small scrap of paper. Frieza looked at the piece, his face falling.<br>"This is just a phone number." he mumbled.  
>"Yup!" Vegeta beamed. "His name is Mark and he's just your type! Merry Christmas, Lord Frieza!"<p>

**The End  
>Oh yeah, and Merry Christmas!<strong>


	21. The Saiyans 2004

**Author's Note:-**  
>Okay so I screwed up! I thought the Christmas Special was the last one but I forgot (I have no idea how I forgot) about the New Year Special! It's a few years old now, but please welcome the <strong>final<strong> final sketch in this series, The Saiyans 2004!

* * *

><p>Vegeta sighed sadly.<br>"Why so glum, Veg?" Nappa asked.  
>"Do you know what day it would be if we were on Planet Vegeta?" Vegeta sulked.<br>"Pancake Day?" Nappa shrugged.  
>"… … Planet Vegeta doesn't <strong>have<strong> a Pancake Day!" Vegeta snapped.  
>"Oh." Nappa uttered. "Well… … it should!"<br>"Why?"  
>"Er… because pancakes are tasty!" Nappa then began eating pancakes.<br>"Where did you get those, anyway?" Vegeta frowned.  
>"Oth Freefa." Nappa answered, his face stuffed with pancakes.<br>"Why'd he give you a bunch of pancakes?" Vegeta asked. Nappa shrugged.  
>"Beefs me."<br>"… Anyway…" Vegeta mumbled. "Nappa, today would've been the new year!"  
>"Oh yeah." Nappa replied. "Cool." He swallowed the pancakes. "… So?"<br>"Ah, nothing." Vegeta mumbled. "Days like these just remind me of home, that's all."  
>"Awww…" Nappa patted Vegeta's back. "Cheer up, Vegeta! Here," He pulled out a bunch of pancakes from the front of his armor. "Want a pancake?"<br>"… Are you wearing anything between your armor and your skin?" Vegeta asked cautiously.  
>"No."<br>"Then no thanks." Nappa shrugged.  
>"Suit yourself." he said and started eating the pancakes. Vegeta shuddered.<p>

Just then the door swung open and Frieza clumsily entered the room wearing a party hat and carrying two open bottles of champagne; he had a party blower sticking out of his mouth.  
>"Happy New Year!" he exclaimed and downed the champagne.<br>" -_-" Vegeta glared at him.  
>"Er… Sir, which new year are you celebrating exactly?" Nappa questioned.<br>"Planet Vegeta, of course!" Frieza protested. "Don't you know that?"  
>"Sure!"<br>"Okay then!" Frieza beamed. "Champagne?"  
>"I don't have a glass." Nappa said.<br>"Doesn't matter, I don't have an ass." Frieza handed Nappa a bottle.  
>"Okay, thanks!" Nappa grinned and drank the champagne. "Want a pancake?"<br>"Okay." Frieza took a pancake. "I – er…" He stopped to look at Nappa. "Are you wearing anything between your armor and your skin?"  
>"No." Nappa said.<br>"Then no thanks." Frieza gave the pancake back.  
>"Suit yourself." Nappa shrugged and ate the pancake.<br>"_**Nappa**_!" Vegeta screamed, wide-eyed.  
>"What!" Nappa protested. "He didn't want it!"<br>"I'm mad at you because you gave it to him in the first place!" Vegeta yelled.  
>"Well he gave me a bottle of champagne." Nappa reasoned.<br>"You didn't have to accept it!"  
>"Hey, free booze!" Nappa grinned. "Would <strong>you<strong> have declined?"  
>"Yes!" Vegeta snapped.<br>"Oh." Nappa uttered. "Uh… Sorry ^_^' "

Frieza looked at Vegeta.  
>"What's up with you, then?" he asked.<br>"You know what." Vegeta spat. "Today would've been the start of a new year on Planet Vegeta if a certain _**someone**_ hadn't blown it up!"  
>"Meteor strike." Frieza shrugged. "Act of God!"<br>"Spaceship missile." Vegeta barked. "Act of **you**!"  
>"My finger slipped." Frieza said.<br>"You gave Zarbon the order!"  
>"My tongue slipped." Frieza replied. "I meant to say 'long live King Vegeta and his planet' but what came out was 'long live me and blow up the damn planet'." Vegeta glared at Frieza.<br>"You really are something else!" he snarled. Frieza blushed and flashed his eyelashes.  
>"Why thank you, Vegeta."<br>"I wasn't talking about your eyelash implants!" Vegeta yelled.  
>"Oh."<br>"Ah, I'm fed up of this! You two celebrate all you want, I'm gonna purge a planet!" Vegeta stormed out.  
>"Do you even have a mission!" Frieza called after him. "Where will you go!"<br>"I don't know!" Vegeta screamed. "But there's gotta be at least ten missions I haven't done yet!"

Frieza rolled his eyes and turned back to his champagne.  
>"Stupid brat…" he mumbled.<br>"Happy new year?" Nappa tried.  
>"Sure!" Frieza grinned and they clinked their bottles together, crying in perfect unison,<br>"Happy New Year!"

**The End**  
><strong> Happy New Year everybody!<strong>


End file.
